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Arwen Mosher Arwen Mosher lives in southeastern Michigan with her husband Bryan and their 4-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and twin boys born May 2011. She has a bachelor's degree in theology. She dreads laundry, craves sleep, loves to read novels and do logic puzzles, and can't live without tea. Her personal blog site ... Read My Posts
Rebecca Teti Rebecca Teti is married to Dennis and has four children (3 boys, 1 girl) who -- like yours no doubt -- are pious and kind, gorgeous, and can spin flax into gold. A Washington, DC, native, she converted to Catholicism while an undergrad at the U. Dallas, where she double-majored in ... Read My Posts
Robyn Lee Robyn Lee is a 30-something, single lady, living in Connecticut in a small bungalow-style kit house built by her great uncle in the 1950s. She also conveniently lives next door to her sister, brother-in-law and six kids ... and two doors down are her parents. She received her undergraduate degree from ... Read My Posts
DariaSockey Daria Sockey is a freelance writer and veteran of the large family/homeschooling scene. She recently returned home from a three-year experiment in full time outside employment. (Hallelujah!) Daria authored several of the original Faith&amp;Life Catechetical Series student texts (Ignatius Press), and is currently a Senior Writer for Faith&amp;Family magazine. A latecomer ... Read My Posts
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Kate Lloyd Kate Lloyd is a rising senior, and a political science major at Thomas More College of Liberal Arts in New Hampshire. While not in school, she lives in Whitehall PA, with her mom, dad, five sisters and little brother. She needs someone to write a piece about how it's possible to ... Read My Posts
Lynn Wehner As a wife and mother, writer and speaker, Lynn Wehner challenges others to see the blessings that flow when we struggle to say "Yes" to God's call. Control freak extraordinaire, she is adept at informing God of her brilliant plans and then wondering why the heck they never turn out that ... Read My Posts
I'm looking for some advice, perspective, and experience about the homeschooling discernment process. My only child, my son, will be 3 in April and we are thinking about homeschooling now and/or in the future. This isn't a popular choice in my area (suburb of a major city) so I don't know many homeschoolers. All of my friends, peers, former coworkers started their kids in preschool at 2.5 yrs old. I know my son wasn't ready at 2.5 and I don't think he'll be ready at 3.5. We are a very attachment parenting family (I was a baby-wearer, extended BF'ing, bed sharing, etc). I just don't think he's ready for a preschool environment. Even when I work part time, DH is home with him, so he's used to 1:1 interaction-and he thrives with that. I don't mean to ramble but I don't really know how to judge his school readiness vs pushing his boundaries. I also want him to have more social time and all his little playmates are now doing preschool. All of my local mom friends think preschool is just what you do when the kids are 2.5 and they want mom time. What do I do when this doesn't feel right? I don't have a need to get him out of the house for mom alone time. How can he make new friends? Most of the moms in our neighborhood work full time so I feel so isolated! Advice is appreciated! Thank you!
Posted by hope t. on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 9:52 AM (EDT):
I think you are doing the right thing to listen to your instincts! Mamas know best. My seven-year-old is still home. Thankfully, I live in a place where the compulsory school age is eight years old. This fits in line with Raymond and Dorothy Moore's ideas of delayed academics, which they wrote about in their book "Better Late Than Early". I highly recommend their books; they are considered the major proponents of what has become the modern homeschooling movement.
As for the problem of you and your son being isolated, I suggest searching Meetup(dot) com for an attachment parenting group in your area. There is bound to be one since you are near a major city. Just put in the name of your area and search on attachment parenting, moms groups, or homeschooling/unschooling. You might even find a Catholic moms of preschoolers group. The Meetup site is how I found an attachment parenting group through which I found some great opportunities, including moms who didn't send their children to preschool. Instead, we took out children outside to play in the woods and creek several mornings a week. I hope you can find something similar!
Posted by Rebecca on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 10:51 AM (EDT):
None of my kids have gone to preschool. It started as a purely financial decision. We couldn't afford double preschool tuition for our first-born twins. We did do public pre-k but it was a disaster, not because they weren't ready but other reasons. They actually did great and loved some of the things about school. It was hard for me to let go and drop them off but it wasn't an issue for them. Now we homeschool. Preschool can be a positive thing for kids and lots of kids enjoy preschool. I know my preschooler now loves his activities and would probably enjoy preschool. But he likes being home too and will openly tell you that. But preschool isn't necessary. Not going certainly hasn't stunted any of my kids. Are there things that they miss out on, sure. But there are other things they get by being home that kids at school don't. There is always a give and take in these kinds of decision. And you don't have to decide about homeschooling now just because you choose not to send him to preschool. If you think you might put him in Kindergarten or 1st grade, just make sure he gets the skills he will need. Basic classroom etiquette comes to mind as well as ABCs, counting, cutting, spelling and writing his full name and other basics. Many Kindergarten teachers expect kids to come into Kindergarten with those basics especially in areas where a large majority of preschoolers attend some kind of school or mother's day out. Continue to consider and pray about what God is calling you to do through the preschool years. And look into finding groups in your area to socialize with. If you do homeschool, you'll want to do that anyway since your circle of friends and acquaintances are choosing traditional school.
Posted by hope t. on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 12:11 PM (EDT):
I have noticed the same trend that Rebecca mentions, that kindergartens and even pre-kindergartens have become highly academic. Gone are the days of finger-painting and games of duck, duck goose. One of my sons did go to academic kindergarten. I had waited to send his brothers to school until they were older but son #3 begged to go with them and he was only five. I now regret that somewhat. He was already reading, devouring books really, and he spent two years in reading groups while the other children learned how to sound out words. He had an hour long math class in which he had to do pages of sums and equations and even had "homework". I don't think he ever played duck, duck goose. The work was developmentally inappropriate, in my opinion, and led to academic burn-out. The movement toward early academics is actually part of the cause of the educational problem we are experiencing, and not the "cure", in my opinion. My seven-year-old, who is currently at home, knows how to read, write, do all four mathematical functions , studies biographies of famous historical figures, knows a good bit about geography, etc. I did not teach him anything. He learned these things when he chose to by using resources we had at home. We rarely go out; when we do it is activities like I mentioned above such as going to skip stones in the creek. Next year I am planning to have him attend second grade in a Waldorf school. (These are expensive private schools but there are public Waldorf schools in some areas.) They are much more low key on academics and teach with story, movement, rhythm, and always with the developmental level of the child keenly in mind. One other point is that it is usually more important for boys to wait on academics. In general, girls are about a year to a year and a half ahead of boys in certain areas that are crucial for early academic success. (See Illg and Ames for more details on this.) A six year old girl has a much better chance of succeeding emotional and academically in the current educational climate of our schools. A boy might not be ready for the same experience until he is a year or even two years older. Another author to study on this topic is Leonard Sax. His focus is on the advantages of single-sex education and he has information about the development of certain capacities in boys (such as hearing). The authors I mentioned above, the Moores, also discuss physical capabilities such as eyesight development.
Sorry for the long replies but I love this topic and think it so vital for our dear children, especially our boys. I could talk about it all day.
Posted by Rebecca on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 1:10 PM (EDT):
I would also agree that boys tend to be less ready for academic preschool at age 3 and 4. All of my school age children are boys. They definitely learn differently. The list I gave in my above posting are things that can be worked on over several years, nothing that needs to be learned before age 4 or 5. One thing I would caution with a young preschool boy is to not make a big deal out of writing/coloring skills early on because so many boys do not have the fine motor skills to master this before age 7. Same with tying shoes. Unfortunately, these are skills required in a desk-oriented preschool. Use gross motor skills in your learning environment as much as possible, let him do work, even workbooks, orally, change directions to allow for basic writing skills like circling and coloring instead of writing letters. The only exception if you are thinking about traditional Kindergarten would be writing his name because teachers might expect that. To strengthen fine motor skills work on cutting, which boys love, lego building, craft projects, playdoh, beads, etc. These will strengthen fingers and develop fine motor skills the same way as coloring and writing. Boys sometimes also like to learn letters by writing in pans of sand or rice using their fingers and then graduating to pencils or crayons when they are older. One of my biggest mistakes with my oldest boys was to insist on writing in Kindergarten. I eventually gave it up and they willingly learned on their own in 2nd grade and then moved on to cursive in 3rd. One writes neatly, the other doesn't, based on personality not practice.
Posted by Anne in NC on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 1:49 PM (EDT):
A quick comment to HopeT-be sure to research your Waldorf school's curriculum carefully before enrolling your son. Their emphasis on art and music is lovely but at the same time a lot of their ideas (based on the work of Rudolf Steiner) are incompatible with Catholicism. We allow our daughters to attend a week or two of summer camp at our local Waldorf school, but prefer the nearest Catholic school for the rest of the year.
Posted by hope t. on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 3:19 PM (EDT):
Thank you, Anne. You are right, that is a good caution. I have heard that some of the Waldorf schools are almost religiously oriented toward anthroposophy. I am hoping that since the school my son would attend is a public school that that is not an issue. I am certainly going to watch for it, though.
"Everybody" put their children in preschool when I lived in New Jersey and my oldest was 3. Neither he nor I were ready, and the whole family suffered on account of it. Trust yourself, and if you don't think he's ready, wait a year and see then. As for homeschooling - you have at least a year or two to continue discerning that. I PROMISE you, there are homeschoolers in your area, but like large families, you don't really notice them much until you become one, and then they seem to be the only people you know. If you live in a major metro area, there may be a homeschool conference near you (look at the IHM website to start: http://www.ihmconference.org/ ).
Posted by Susie on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 6:21 PM (EDT):
Here are some of the ways we socialized our boys who did not attend preschool. Library story time - there are activities afterwards where they do a craft. They learn to sit still when someone is talking, to participate with finger plays etc. Sometimes there is an adjoining playground outdoors where we met other families afterwards. Church nursery - or preschool early religious education. Same benefits as above only he got to meet other families in our parish (we did too) and we could arrange play dates. Mothers of preschoolers - moms had a time to be with moms, kids had their own room with a teacher (this was free!). Indoor playgrounds in the winter - you would be amazed how many moms you meet that would be happy to do playdates. YMCA childcare - free to members. Kids learn to follow directions. We did do preschool at age 41/2 for my youngest - but mostly because he was used to having the other siblings around and after they all went back to school and he was lonely. Hope this helps!
My son is 2 and a half and it is SO HARD to find stay-at-home-moms who don't want to ditch their kids any chance they get. I don't have any helpful advice for you, but it is so nice to hear that I'm not the only one out there who doesn't have the desire to have that time away from their kids. It is ridiculous how prevalent pre-school and mom's day out and other things like that are and how difficult it is to find other parents who want to spend all day with their kids-but think it'd be fun to have other families around too!
Posted by Claire on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 9:43 PM (EDT):
There are valid reasons for sending kids to preschool. My son just turned 4, and he started this past September, when he was 3 years- 8 months. He goes just two mornings/week. I didn't send him because I wanted to ditch him or have time away from him. I very well may end up homeschooling him in the future, but for now I chose preschool for several reasons. I don't question people who choose to skip preschool, but those of us who choose it deserve the benefit of the doubt, too.
Posted by JenH on Saturday, Feb 18, 2012 12:05 AM (EDT):
A good Catholic alternative to Waldorf might be Montessori, if you find yourself uncomfortable about any of the "spirituality" or get uncomfortable vibes. Montessori comes out of the Catholic tradition and Waldorf comes out of non-Christian religious traditions. It sounds as though you already do not take this lightly, so I just through out Montessori as a viable alternative you might enjoy.
Posted by Dawn on Saturday, Feb 18, 2012 10:01 AM (EDT):
The idea of homeschooling preschool is stressful and even a little silly to me. These children are PRE-school, as in, before school, age. I guess this is because I've always viewed preschool as by far, first and foremost, childcare for me. So that I could go to the grocery store alone, etc. I find all the worksheets way too much and could care less that say, my preschooled 4yo writes her letters well. Because guess what? In the next year or two that 4yo year of worksheets won't matter, and those days of finger-paint and free play will sadly already be behind them. I admit when someone with a 3 or 4yo tells me they homeschool I inwardly cringe. I finally realized they do so because they 1) enjoy being part of a homeschooling group, or 2) think they must do some formal teaching, however gentle, or they'll be behind. You just need to read books to them, let them color/draw, and run around and play at this age, and I don't see how this requires purchasing a curriculum. It seems more stressful although I'm sure for some it's a helpful tool.
Posted by Claire on Saturday, Feb 18, 2012 10:40 AM (EDT):
Once again I have to interject that preschool isn't always the same as daycare. Some people use it for that, but some of us use it for other purposes. (I agree about worksheets; etc. I would not use those at home for this agegroup, and I wouldn't choose a preschool that uses them.)
Have you done Mommy and Me type groups? how is he doing with other kids? if he seems to be parallel playing nicely, I wouldn't worry. You could start him in preschool in September when he will be almost 3.5. He could go two mornings, if that's an option. No need to rush. As for mom time, you may feel differently by September. Just my two cents. Do what you feel is right. Sometimes we need to step out in faith and try it out. If it doesn't work you don't have to keep with it.
Posted by ProspectiveHomeshooler on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 9:43 AM (EDT):
We do lots of mommy & me things: gymboree, art class, starting a cooking class next week... He does reasonably well with other kids. He just doesn't want to separate and I like being a part of his activities. I don't want to push him to separate before he's ready and I'm thinking about homeschooling for the future anyway. I'd like to hear other parent's rationale for choosing homeschooling esp in the preschool age group.
Posted by Monica (momof2) on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 11:21 AM (EDT):
My kids were also not ready to separate at preschool age but they did need to get out of the house more and do more so we did a co-op preschool which are everywhere nowadays. I am sure you could find one. Co-ops are a great "in-between" homeschooling and regular preschool because the parents are usually allowed to stay in the classroom the whole time. They will put you to work helping out the teacher but at least you can be there where your child can see you.
I felt the exact same way as you when my oldest daughter was preschool age. We didn't ever send her to preschool, but when she became old enough for kindergarten, my husband thought it would be the best thing for her to go to school, even though I felt strongly about homeschooling, I was very unsure of myself, so I went along with it. I hated dropping her off, it broke my heart the entire year, although she did fine. She is still in public school this year and I still feel very strongly about homeschooling, so my husband has finally agreed to let me begin homeschooling this fall. My advice to you, is trust your instinct. I knew what I was being called to do and instead of jumping in with my faith in God, I stepped back in fear. I am still so scared of failure, but this is just a test of faith. We can do all things through Christ who is our strength!
Posted by hope t. on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 12:25 PM (EDT):
Wonderful! I am so glad for you. I agree completely that instinct is best. Society, convention, and peer pressure are very strong motivators and can cause us to doubt ourselves but mothers have a God-given knowledge of their little ones' needs.
In researching curriculum ideas for homeschooling next year, I came across the Robinson Curriculum & A2 Curriculum, both programs that encourage self-teaching. Does anyone have any thoughts, ideas, or experience w/ either of them?
Posted by hope t. on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 5:34 PM (EDT):
I had to Google the A2 curriculum because we bought the Robinson curriculum back in 1999 for our oldest son. That was before they had A2.
I will say that I like idea of Robinson very much. So many schools are jumping on the technology band wagon at earlier and earlier ages. Technology education in itself is fine but it has been pushing out the classics. Robinson is excellent for bringing classical methods and ideas to homeschooling families.
I think that Robinson bills itself (or it did back then) as a full curriculum. In certain circumstances, in certain families, for certain children, it may be but we used it for a supplement and did not depend on it for our full curriculum. It would not have suited all our son's needs or meet all the state requirements once he became an officially registered home school student.
The other drawback is printing out the books. It is extremely time-consuming to print whole books! And the storage of the tomes it produces is no laughing matter either. I was thinking that perhaps they had updated to a different form, such as e-readers but I saw on the A2 website that it was still the CD's with 800 printable books. We printed some and got the ones that we could out of the library. My son eventually went to a school, though, so we did not use the curriculum for the upper grades. If we had, I don't know where we would have put all those printed out books.
All that being said, I think the CDs are well worth the investment. Even used as a supplementary curriculum, the price is actually very reasonable for what you get. And if it is supplementary, you will not need to print everything but can pick and choose what is important to you.
I hope that helped a bit. If you would like to know anything else, just let me know.
Posted by JenH on Friday, Feb 17, 2012 11:59 PM (EDT):
I only know that I had an aquaintance in the mom's group I used to be in (before we moved last year) and she couldn't stop praising that curriculum. She'd gone through it in her childhood and was planning to homeschool her two girls through it when they were old enough.
I homeschool my daughter, I started with Kindergarten. It was a pressure for me because everyone else started their curriculum with preschool and I felt like I was doing my daughter a disservice. But I agreed with the other posters - now is the time for them to be children. I thought by not focusing on a "preschool" curriculum she'd be less overwhelmed and ready to start kindergarten. I'm very glad I did. It also wasn't like my daughter wasn't learning anything. She'd ask questions and my husband and I would answer. "Why's the sky blue" because of the light that passes through the atmosphere (ok my husband answer that - so if I got it wrong...) and of course each question led to even more. Instead of school we went on field trips and saw some awesome things. But most importantly everyday activities gave her the greatest opportunity to learn. Don't worry about what other people are doing - no one has this all figured out and as a mom you truly do no more about what your son needs then anyone else on this plant.
And now for something completely different... I'm looking for advice on how to deal with high school students and apparent ingratitude. I have been coaching mock trial for my local high school (long story how they asked a homeschooling ex-lawyer to be the teacher-coach). There were many bumps in the road, but there would have been no team if I hadn't stepped up. Now the (not too successful) season is over, and I asked the team to donate to a thank-you for the four lawyers who helped out, especially the two young men who put in lots of time. I bought four thank-you notes and three gift cards. I asked the team to chip in $10 each, and to go to the social studies office at the school, where I left the cards on the secretary's desk in a well-marked envelope. Four of twelve made contributions, and exactly one (who happened to be there when I came in) signed the cards. Next week they have a break from school. Should I try again after their break? Should I just send the gift cards with a note from ME? Any teachers out there with suggestions?
Posted by Dawn on Saturday, Feb 18, 2012 9:34 AM (EDT):
Sadly, you have to really hold even highschoolers' hands to get them to do-or to not forget to do-the right thing. I'd re-contact each non-contributor again individually (as in, call and ask to speak with him/her or the parent) and ask for a contribution to thank the volunteers. You'll have to figure out when/where you can hold out your hand for them to place the money in it and give them the card to watch them sign, which probably means waiting til school's back in.
Posted by Jennifer on Saturday, Feb 18, 2012 3:11 PM (EDT):
I would contact each student again and remind them about the donation and card signature. I wouldn't read too much into their actions - I'm constantly being hounded by classmoms about school stuff - bringing food in for parties, donations for Christmas and year end gifts, soup drives, etc - that's just the way it is. Everyone has a lot on their plates these days.
Posted by Donna on Sunday, Feb 19, 2012 7:09 PM (EDT):
All of the students should definitely come in to write a short note of thanks on the cards and to sign them. However, the $10 contribution should not be mandatory. That is a lot of money for a high schooler (or rather, the high schooler's parents). The sincere "thank you's" written on the card should be sufficient. Nothing else should be needed, but if YOU really want to give a material gift, that should be provided by you.
Posted by anonymous on Sunday, Feb 19, 2012 8:58 PM (EDT):
I agree that the $10 should not be mandatory. My husband stepped up to a major volunteer position for 2 years yet he never expected any donation/gifts cards. There have been times when my child has had a lousy coach for a recreation league and I would not contribute to a gift because I felt he showed really poor sportsmanship. Sometimes we have been asked for $20-$10 for coach, $10 for assistant x 12 kids that is over $100 per coach. Anyway, you are asking for less but I don't think things like that should be mandatory. In families with multiple kids things like this add up. If people are volunteering their time they should do it no strings attached. I think that is your problem right there. Signing a thank you note is a great idea.
Hi everyone! I have a very bright 5 year old daughter who loves the arts. We'll start piano lessons next year, but I'd love to start introducing her to fine art & classical music appreciation, but I have no idea where to start. Does anyone know of a kindergarten level program, or website that can give us some ideas? This child spends all day making up songs and painting and coloring. I think she'd lOve to learn more! Thanks
Jojo, check out EmmanuelBooks.com for resources (look under the subject "Fine Arts"). I like (and use) "Mommy It's a Renoir - How to Use Child-Size Masterpieces" for art. I had (but never used) "How to Introduce Your Child to Classical Music"...it looked good, but I was overwhelmed with little child at the time and never managed to implement it (I think I got rid of the book, too). I lament that our current geographical location lacks a classical music station, and at our last home used to keep the car radio tuned to one. At home, we play classical music often, both during the school day and at other times. It took me years, but I just figured out that, with significant prompting, piano teachers will provide your children with beginner/primary level classical music and I am very much enjoying Pachelbel's Canon in D and Brahm's Lullaby on a daily basis. I find it interesting that my teenaged son, who usually requires reminding/nagging to practice the piano, does not need to be told to practice the classical pieces. Art and music appreciation are a significant component of the Mother of Divine Grace homeschool curriculum. I have found that all my K and 1st grade level children, who began their school careers loving to draw, have resisted the regular drawing requirements because they do not like to be told what to draw. However, I believe it is that activity (mainly having to illustrate a story from the Bible or from Aesop's Fables) which has forced them outside their comfort zone and made them well-rounded, better draw-ers. Usually by the end of 1st grade, they love to illustrate things and are more creative in how they express different events or emotions. I also buy reams and reams of inexpensive copy paper and try to keep well stocked on colored pencils. My kids love colored pens, but that's usually a once-a-year treat because they are expensive. My older kids get quality markers which they do not have to share with siblings. Lots of paper gets "wasted" but I will recycle what I can to print out bank statements or for grocery lists, and try hard not to discourage their free use of these supplies. If you happen to live near an art museum, I found short trips of less than one hour, and especially if you are looking at specific works of art, is the best way to enjoy a successful trip. We used to live in D.C., and went to the free National Gallery often. Here in Savannah, GA, the art museum is pricey (and not very extensive), so we've only been once. The cathedral in Savannah printed a book on the art within the cathedral, and that has served as our free substitute.
Posted by Dawn on Saturday, Feb 18, 2012 10:15 AM (EDT):
Hey Michelle, just wanted to thank you for your post. It's very helpful. I'm going to ask our piano teacher for those pieces. On to drawing-I'll add that I've had to sit down and tell my 7yo son exactly what to draw and how, although I do let him pick out of 4 or 5 choices. He use to despise drawing because he thought he stunk at it, which he pretty much did. Now that he's seeing he actually can draw and is more confident, I'm looking forward to the day when he sits down to draw just because he enjoys it!
Thanks for all the comments! I'm encouraged to try again for signatures after vacation. Almost all of them said they would chip in for gifts, so it's more a question of following through on that (or not) - I certainly wasn't planning to force the issue, but to encourage them to do what they said they'd do. They are VERY privileged kids (most of them), and in this community $10 for coaching gifts is more or less a given. Their transportation fee was much less than the athletic activity fee... so it seemed to me reasonable that they would want to chip in; having been one of the helper coaches in the past, I know that it is also a tradition of the team and very welcome recognition. As a parent, I know that the $10 is annoying (and does add up sometimes) - but, again, most of these kids either have jobs or don't need them. They are not from large families. They are not aiming for state schools for college. So... the family budget concerns of most of us here on this forum do not apply.
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