About Us
The Life Without School Blog is an on-line publication and blogging community. We homeschool. We unschool. We live our lives without school. For some, life without school begins as a conscientious choice that is whole-heartedly embraced. For others, it begins as a quest for second chances and new opportunity.... Read more about us .
Our Blogs
About Our Blogs
We support life without school, diversity of perspective, choice, the family and the child. No one blog, not even this LWOS blog, can possibly represent the opinions and lives of all who live life without school. Each blog does, however, in some small way represent one life, one family, once voice, one lifestyle out of many who choose to live life without school.
On Questions
The simplest questions are the most profound. Where were you born? Where is your home? Where are you going? What are you doing? Think about these once in awhile, and watch your answers change. -Richard Bach
Questions for Us
What are ways you prepare your children to survive in our society economically? How are you sure your children are learning enough; what about holes in your child's education? Read more Questions for Us .
On Perspectives
A perspective does not tell me what is right for you. A persective shares a view into what is possibly right for me. No one perspective should hold a human being, especially a child, prisoner to its expectations.
September 2008
September 28, 2008
Today, Jessica, Peter, Michael and Theo came to visit before their move to Ireland. They're relocating from San Francisco, which is close, to Dublin, which is far. When they left, the boys drug out the big map of the world, in order to see where Michael is going. Tonight, we'll have potatoes and cabbage, we'll talk about the Irish portion of our heritage, and we'll get a sense of Ireland.
This sort of conversation happens at our table all the time. We live in a marina, and people are constantly coming in from somewhere interesting or leaving to go somewhere interesting. The big world map gets taken out a lot. I've gotten into the habit of pointing out who we know, where they are, what they're eating, and what the language spoken there sounds like. It's not comprehensive, but it's enough to be intriguing.
Right now, the marina is swarming with folks heading from all over the place to join the Baja Ha-Ha cruising rally down the coast to Mexico. Mexico! Oh, the food! Oh, the language! Oh, the music! Mexico is easy, because of the proximity. Easier than  the Galapagos, anyway. The boys are already vaguely familiar with the Spanish language because of their exploits in Puerto Rico with Dora . And Mexican food is an integral part of our eating anyway; one of the many bonuses of being Californian. But that's what provided the bridge for them to realize that as you speak Spanish in Mexico and Puerto Rico, there are other languages in other places that you speak when you go there. We've had all kinds of fun playing around with Tahitian, Fijian, and Hawaiian. Especially Hawaiian; the language sounds like a waterfall, and we've found several excellent Hawaiian Rap bands that the boys love listening to. Nothing like dancing with your language lessons, and knowing at least how to say "please" and "thank you" everywhere you go.
Jim and Juanita, who sailed here from Maine (technically three seas away, even though it's the same country), live one dock away from us and will be sailing the South Pacific in three months. We've talked about how you eat there (fruit, fruit, fruit, and fish), and since Jim is big into food and boat cookery, we've talked about dehydrators versus blenders, ovens versus pressure cookers, and fishing poles versus traps. It's on the schedule for the boys and I to make our own solar cooker .
Jeff, the guy docked right behind us, is heading for the Galapagos in November. Because of him, we're watching endless rounds of nature shows on Netflix, about the finches and the lizards and Darwin. And of course, finding the island and the route on the map.
Next week, Jason is flying to Seattle to join up with our pal Toast , to sail their boat down here to San Francisco Bay. They've just finished a circumnavigation of Vancouver Island, and the boys are just bursting with questions to ask Toast's three daughters, who are friends of theirs. The boys have never been anyplace like Vancouver Island, nor have they seen orcas or humpbacks in the water next to the boat, as Toast's family has.
A few weeks ago our friend Zen stopped by. He's planning to voyage across the Pacific to Japan. We've already spent a bunch of time talking about Japan , but the boys hadn't really understood that we could sail there. So this engendered a conversation where we talked about being able to sail to all the places on the map that touch the blue. And that of course leads to being able to read the names of the places in brown and green that touch the blue places.
And that right there, my friends, is what Geography in the School of the World looks like. There won't be a test, but there will certainly be dessert when we're finished. And probably dancing.
Laureen is a writer, a professional editor, a scuba instructor, a beginning  sailor, a traveler, and an obsessive researcher who's chiefly focused  on, and delighted with, her husband Jason, her sons Rowan and  Kestrel, and her daughter Aurora. She's a lifelong Californian, which lends a very distinctive  spin to both her ideas and her politics, and she's discovered, in her  peregrinations, that the world is far smaller yet far more fascinating  than anyone gives it credit for being. She holds forth her opinions on  that in her blog, The ElementalMom .
September 24, 2008
At my younger girl's first soccer game, I met a mom who is officially beginning to home school this year; her older daughter is starting Kindergarten. I was surprised and saddened to hear that she is already getting flack about this choice -- from total strangers no less. People stop her in Wal Mart to say "Isn't she old enough to be in school?" When the mom replies that she home schools, they respond, "Why would you do that?" and -- yes, you knew this was coming -- "She won't get socialized ."
I am not going to ponder the inappropriateness of stopping strangers in Wal Mart to question their educational choices. Maybe Wal Mart is the modern day agora where citizens gather to exchange gossip and bad advice. I'm also not going to discuss this absurd -- but still prevalent -- misconception about home schoolers and "socialization." I'm not sure how it started. Perhaps there is an urban legend afoot that home schoolers are rearing their children in isolated subterranean caves or sealed compounds. How else would we avoid having our kids "socialize?"Furthermore, we all know that "socialization" -- the process by which kids acquire values and learn to relate to other human beings -- takes place within the family and community. Schools can certainly play a part in that, but real socialization always -- for better or worse -- occurs in the heart of the family and community.
The thing that was running through my mind (aside from being surprised at people's gratuitous rudeness) -- and has troubled me for many years -- was not the way the "socialization" myth does a disservice to home schooling families (though, of course, it does). I was thinking of the way it does a disservice to public schools , and to society as a whole.
People seem to be buying into the notion that the role of "socializing" children -- an incredibly broad and complex task in which families and communities traditionally have led the way -- can be, or should be, taken on the one institution: the public school system. Much has been said about the "failure" of the school system. Schools struggle in many ways, and artificial, politically motivated "standards"   seem to be exacerbating the situation. But if public schools are "failing," the root of the problem may be that this system is shouldering roles and expectations which they are not designed to handle. In addition to being educators, they are expected to transmit values to the next generation (the real job of "socialization") and play the role of police, psychologist and social worker.  Is it any wonder that they seem unable to rise to the task?
It seems that our society no longer questions the premise that schools should assume the role of educating kids, even though this is a relatively new development in our country's history. This assumption is flawed, since parents of schooled children still need to bear the primary responsibility for their kids' education and development. Schools struggle, I think, to meet the needs of each child in a system that often doesn't allow for letting each child's innate drive to learn unfold at its own pace. But thanks to many talented, devoted teachers and administrators, they move forward and many publicly schooled children thrive.
But their role doesn't stop there. Compulsory education laws have placed the school system in the role of an enforcement agency. They are also supposed to teach values, and they are expected to intervene -- often single-handedly -- when children are unable to learn because of emotional or family problems.
In a previous life, I was a counselor who "consulted" with public schools -- which often consisted of spending a little time each week with the most troubled students and trying to guide their families into therapy. These schools were working with many kids who had difficulty learning in the classroom because they were recovering from sexual abuse, were coping with alcoholism in the family, were abusing alcohol or other drugs themselves, or were victims of parental abuse, among many other things.
Sometimes a child was labeled with ADHD when really he was coping with an angry, abusive parent. I remember one "hyperactive" boy who told me, between math and reading lessons, that his stepfather got drunk and terrorized the family. Another boy -- a fourth grader -- had already become so angry and violent he had kicked another child in the head until he was nearly unconscious. And yes, as you'd guess, behind that child's behavior was an extremely violent father. There are many stories like this. Sadly, I am not surprised that there are school shootings. :-(
In the face of all this, despite lack of time or training, teachers and guidance counselors are expected to be therapists, mediators, and violence prevention experts.
Then came the phenomenon of "Values Education" in public schools. Faced with a seeming decline in moral values, the Commonwealth of Virginia decided that schools should add values like "Honesty," "Trustworthiness" and "Kindness" and their already crowded curricula. Teachers and guidance counselors found clever ways to work this in. One school counselor created a bulletin board which focused on one value at a time. For example, one month it focused on "Kindness." She took photos of children doing nice things and posted them under the heading: "Look Who Was Caught Being Kind."
It was a clever, fun solution. But the problem is clear. True social and moral values are not captured in lessons or curricula or on bulletin boards. For better or worse, children are learning how to live and treat human beings -- from whatever "teachers" are at hand -- every waking moment. If, for whatever reason, families and communities are not helping them build a strong moral foundation, the schools simply can't fix that. The best they can do is try to be good role models during the hours the kids are in school -- teach by example -- and intervene when they can. No one can design a "curriculum" that will be a magic bullet for society's troubles. It just doesn't work that way.
I don't have a grand solution to these problems, nor do I have any compelling words of wisdom. But I look forward to the day that the rearing of children -- taking the lead in their education on every level, helping kids in troubled families, and guiding them in their emotional and moral development -- will truly be the job of families and communities. Government-funded agencies, such as mental health and social service agencies, can certainly play an important role in that.
Public schools would be viewed by families and society as a resource -- a place that offers classes, books, and time with talented, encouraging teachers. No one would assume they're there to make sure we're competitive in the world market, hold everyone to the same "standards," teach values, or "fix" troubled kids. No one would look to them for "socialization." They would have some role to play in all that, of course, along with the rest of the community. But we would all acknowledge the real travelers on this journey -- parents, along with extended families, faith groups, and communities.
At that point, life without school wouldn't be seen as lifestyle that is off the beaten track. After all, children's academic, physical, emotional, and spiritual education would l be understood to be the role of families, their support systems, and their communities. Schools would be seen simply as a part of that community and a public resource -- in most cases, freely chosen -- to help them on their journey.
Stephanie W. lives with her family in the beautiful Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. She has been learning at home full time with her three wonderfully creative, feisty and quirky children -- Sarah (14), James (9) &amp; Patricia Elizabeth (4) since 2003. Her other interests include literature, writing, editing, and the internet.
September 20, 2008
One of my guilty weekend pleasures involves reading the "Date Lab" column in the Washington Post Magazine. "Date Lab" is a virtual reality show in miniature---the Post sets up blind dates with young singles, and then interviews the participants afterwards about their impressions of the date. Occasionally, someone finds their soul mate, but more often the dates end in disappointment, if not outright disaster.
Often the dating singles in Date Lab look really compatible on paper, but that compatibility doesn't translate into a real-life encounter. "Yes, we are both young urban professionals who love jazz, travel, funny movies, dogs, babies, and romantic sunset walks, but ......"
What's missing? Usually it's "chemistry", that intangible, hard-to-define quality that is so essential to successful friendships and romances. You know chemistry when you see it, but it's awfully hard to put it into words, or predict when it will happen.
Just like available singles seeking the perfect mate, we homeschooling parents spend a lot of time seeking the perfect curriculum materials for our children. We search for "that special something" in homeschooling catalogs or the displays of conference vendors. Sometimes we even let our friends set us up on blind dates with curriculum: "My son just LOVED learning to read with this, and I know your son will love it too!"
Every book, resource, or activity kit on the market comes with rave reviews, but does it have "chemistry"? Does it have the special spark that will make it the perfect fit for your child? Sometimes the answers are surprising.
Take Cuisenaire rods, for example. The veteran homeschooling mom who sold them to me swore that my kids would love these colorful wooden math manipulatives. And she was right; they did love them--as a three-dimensional building toy. After the thrill of designing skyscrapers and gymnastics equipment was over, the Cuisenaire rods went back into the box, never to be opened again. The same goes for a lot of other cool-looking educational toys, books, games, puzzles, and kits, which are now sitting in my basement awaiting a yard sale.
While the Cuisenaire rods were a bust, we got an amazing amount of mathematical mileage from another set of manipulatives. My 3 year old daughter loved this purchase and played with it daily, mastering one and two-digit number recognition, simple addition, and the concepts of odd and even in the process. I am embarrassed to admit the manipulatives in question consisted of dice, poker chips, plastic race horses, and a miniature roulette wheel, all found in a beat-up suitcase purchased at a yard sale. It was definitely not your conventional homeschool resource. But there was a lot of unexpected educational chemistry inside that old brown suitcase.
Chemistry is often a fleeting affair, as evidenced by our little romance with Latin a couple years back. My 11 year old son said he wanted to read about Roman warriors and battles in the original language. There were plenty of books and materials which were informative, easy to understand, and appropriate for beginners. However, these resources were not compelling enough to attract and sustain the interest of a preteen boy with no prior language experience.
Eventually, we found the Minimus Latin series, which teaches Latin grammar and Roman culture through the cartoon story of a real-life Roman family living in Great Britain about 1700 years ago. While other beginning Latin texts might have been far more thorough or comprehensive, Minimus offered just the right mix of grammar, vocabulary, history, color, charm, humor, and cartoon mice to appeal to my son. It was unquestionably the perfect match for my son at that particular time.
Alas, the romance with Latin did not last. The second Minimus book was a little harder and less appealing than the first one, another beginning Latin resource I purchased turned out to be a major turnoff, and eventually our studies were set aside for another day. But the cultural knowledge gained from this doomed love affair came in handy this spring during our visit to England, when we visited the Roman ruins in Bath. And perhaps in time my son will return to Latin, although the last time I talked with him, he was thinking of studying Spanish instead.
Meanwhile, that little 3 year old roulette player is now 17 and contemplating college admissions. She seeks a moderately academically challenging school in the Mid-Atlantic region with a good program in advertising, mass communications, and/or marketing, ample amateur theatre opportunities, and lots of interesting people. Literally hundreds of schools have written to her, claiming they have exactly what she wants. But most of these appeals leave her cold; these schools have the right package, but not the right chemistry.
As I write this, one particular college stands out from the rest for its innovation and charm. Is it "the one", or merely a passing fancy? We'll see how this particular chemistry experiment holds up over the next few months.
Celeste   has been unschooling her kids for well over a decade. She does homeschooling advocacy work for her state homeschooling organization and spends way too much time on the computer. In her spare time, she does tae kwon do, plays the piano, and plays a glamorous, powerful, purple lady bunny in an online virtual reality game.
There was a lot of controversy about this issue, all over the country. Some love was sent to California during this time, some finger wagging and warnings, and some downright anger that we would screw everything up for the rest of the states. Even now, there is some debate about the long-term effect of the recent ruling.
In the midst of it all, there was a core group of people here in the trenches here in California. I was lucky to have been privy to many of the discussions and decision-making processes during that time. While at the same time, I was not directly involved, so I had no influence or direct effect on the actions of the various groups. I was a fly on many walls, and this is what I saw, read and heard.
Before the surprise ruling, these three groups pretty much worked independently. There were even some negative feelings between some of the long-time members of the groups. The groups weren't competitive, but they didn't communicate with each other much, or help each other out. This arrangement worked out fine because it had been such a long time since anything truly threatening had happened in California.
Then, that all changed practically overnight when World Net Daily published an article about a recent California appellate court ruling that effected homeschoolers.
CHN and HSC did not respond immediately. The wording in the ruling was ambiguous and didn't change the law. The e-lists were buzzing with talk, and nobody from the CHN or HSC board or legal team would tell us what was going on. Now, I know all of the people who run HSC and CHN, so I knew immediately why they weren't saying anything - they wanted to make damn sure that they understood what was really going on before making decisions.
What I didn't know, at the time, was that HSC, CHN and CHEA representatives were busy phoning each other and asking, "What's really going on here?" This case had come out of nowhere. The family involved had not contacted any homeschooling groups other than the school they attended. Nobody knew what was going on. The legal papers were long and detailed. There was a lot of information to digest in a short period of time. California homeschoolers were suddenly dragged into a court battle that had nothing to do with us. But we had to do something, because the media was closing in, and the phones were ringing off the hook.
Finally, CHN, HSC and CHEA came to a decision and made a joint statement. They reassured us that nothing in the law had changed, and that the ruling did not affect us. Not everyone was convinced. Even after the Governor of California, Arnold Swarzenegger, and the Superintendent of Public Instruction, Jack O'Connell, chimed in with political support, many Californians, and many people across the country, were convinced that it was now illegal to homeschool in California.
The pressure was on. CHN, HSC and CHEA did not ask to be involved in this court case, but it became apparent that they all had to. Partly, we needed to manage information and the media. And partly, we had to put pressure on the courts to get us out of the case, and strike the homeschooling aspect of the ruling out of the opinion.
Members of the CHN, HSC and CHEA legal teams, and the presidents of these organizations were overwhelmed with requests for interviews from newspapers, radio and TV. They did an amazing job standing tall under the relentless questioning, all while working hard to find legal representation, coming up with a solid plan, and keeping the current California homeschoolers from panicking.
That's where I was asked to help, and I did my best to keep the information flowing on my blog. I hope I helped at least a little to keep us focussed and to reduce hysteria. I wasn't the only one. There were several people on the e-lists and on blogs who did their part to make sure that information was getting out.
Nonetheless, the media thrives on catastrophe. And we could not control the onslaught of stories about how homeschoolers in California were "panicked". I did one interview where the "expert" opposite me assured us that this ruling was "The 9/11 of homeschooling." The media loved this, and fed like sharks on it.
But, in some ways, this worked to our advantage. There was such a high demand for articles about this case, that after a while, interviewing the "experts" was getting somewhat dull. They needed "real people" to tell their stories--and a lot of them. Secular families, like mine, who generally stayed out of the whole hubbub of media, were asked to step up and say "hi" to the world. "We're here." We were scared. We had no bone to pick. We simply wanted to do what we could to help fix this "problem" that was thrust upon us.
In some regards, the reporters were probably frustrated with us. I know they were a bit frustrated with me. We weren't hysterical enough. Family after family was interviewed and quoted to say, "This isn't really that big of a deal. It doesn't effect us much." Also, more and more families who homeschooled for reasons other than religion were getting on TV, radio and in newspapers. It started to become clear that in California, homeschoolers are a diverse bunch.
Of course, not everyone got the message, but the courts certainly did. And so did our legislators. One of the quiet efforts that was never written about in any publication, or talked about publicly on the forums, was an effort to make contact with our Democratic representatives. And those of us who are registered Democrats were asked specifically to call our legislators and let them know our position on this.
The main purpose of this effort was to use the momentum we had to strengthen our relationships with our senator and representatives. We wanted them to meet us, get to know us, and pay attention. At one point, several of the leaders of CHN and HSC drove around for a weekend having in-person meetings with Democratic legislators. They asked what the legislators' concerns were, they gave them literature, and brought the topic up to the surface.
Some meetings did not go as well as others, but overall, the effort was a great success. We now have a pretty solid relationship with a number of democratic legislators.
Even now, after the second ruling was handed down, we are still pursuing this effort. It was so successful, that we realized how important this is to do on a continuous basis.
All of this was preventative. The real work with the court case itself happened between the lawyers and legal representatives of the CHN, HSC and CHEA. The groups worked together, deciding who was going to say what, and which points were absolutely necessary to bring up during the retrial. This is a critical point to understand - the secular and the Christian groups worked tightly together on this. They were calling each other daily, having meetings and redrafting their arguments, all together. This is unprecedented in California. Perhaps, also in the rest of the states. Have there been any other states that have come together - secular and religious - to fight for state-wide homeschooling rights?
For California, this was the hugest benefit of the entire ordeal. This coming together of all homeschooling groups is monumental. What a message we sent to those judges and to the legislators!
Of course, the news never mentioned any of this. Their main focus was on whether or not we're going to be wrangled up and arrested en masse. Once it was determined that there really was nothing to see here, the news lost interest. And what little we do see in the news tries its very best to keep up the drama, even when there isn't any.
Now, the drama is essentially over. There is still a threat that something else will happen. There always is. Even if the law was spotless, there will always be someone who is not happy, and always a chance that we'll be challenged.
After having gone through this year, and coming out unscathed, and in fact stronger than we were before it started, we're ready. We're ready together - secular and Christian homeschoolers and everyone else.
And what this proves to me, is that challenges to our right to homeschool is not necessarily a bad thing. If we really want to see a shift in how the world views homeschooling, and how our laws regulate us, we're going to have to get through these tough times. It's part of the evolutionary process. And there will be resistance and setbacks. We can't let that stop us.
The secular homeschooling community is an important part of our country's future. And so is the Christian homeschooling community. When we can work together, and show that our homeschooling rights run deeper than personal conviction, that they are about democracy, freedom, and independence, for everyone, then we will send a much stronger message than we ever could alone.
September 12, 2008
Peter and I had an interesting conversation recently after a friend told him why she didn't like homeschooling (at least the way we do it). She said she thought home schoolers aren't challenged enough, that if something is hard, they just don't do it. He wondered what I thought. We had a great conversation, and I wish I had it recorded, but here's a summary of what we said:
Public schoolers look at life and learning differently than we do, and that's why they come to this conclusion. To most everyone in our society, learning is scripted and preprogrammed by someone else. Learning is like a machine you enter, have things done to you, and when you come out the other end, you are "educated." Some of those prescripted things are fun, some aren't, and if you could possibly refuse to partake in some elements, you would come out "defective."
We look at learning from the other side of the universe, it seems. We see it as a process of discovering who you are as a human being. The things you enjoy and find easy are the things you might be gifted at and are worth your time developing. Then as you pursue your interests, you might come to a wall. Are you interested enough to keep working and break through that wall? Peter is interested in philosophy right now. He's listening to lectures on Heidegger's book Being in Time. This is not easy reading, by any means, yet he wants to understand, so he spends his free time reading, thinking, and talking about this book. How many graduated seniors choose to spend their time this way?
If we subject children to a daily, yearly barrage of information and practice they hate, we are running the risk of killing their love of learning. We are teaching them that learning is a chore that has to be endured. No wonder kids act like caged animals set free when school's out. And no wonder so many adults stop learning (reading, pursuing new things) because they are so burned out by their "education." Or even worse, they've learned they are low on the intelligence scale and had better just give up.
If Peter had to pick a subject that he considers hard, it would be math. He's good at it (99th percentile), has studied up to a beginning Calculus level, but he's ready to stop. He's just not interested in studying any more math. If, however, he decides to go into a field that requires upper level math, he'll take a class in college. It all depends on his goals.
How many stories have we heard of people going to college later in life, even people who were poor students in high school? It's the motivation and eyes on the prize that propel us to do what we really want to do--and succeed. And sometimes we need the perspective of time away from institutional school to see who we are and what we really want out of life. Kids who have the privilege of finding that out early have the advantage and don't have wasted years trying to "find themselves."
What if we could look at learning and education a whole new way? I'm thinking of a children's book by John Trent called The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality. I don't own this book, and it's been many years since I read it, but the idea stuck in my head. There are four friends, a lion, a golden retriever, an otter, and a beaver. Each represent different personality types and different strengths. As each uses his strengths, they are able to face challenges and overcome obstacles. But what if they were forced to all have the same strength? What if they lived in a world where they did not have the opportunity to fully develop who they are? For example, what if the lion had to spend most of his time in swimming lessons to make up for his "deficiency," but since the otter found swimming easy, he had to take extra classes in Stalking Prey? Or what if we introduce a bird curriculum developer into the picture. Now all these animals have to take flying lessons. What's wrong with finding out what you are good at and going for the gold? Maybe those things that are hard for you aren't really worth your time unless you actually need that skill to reach your goal.
I guess the bottom line is to give kids lots of exposure to diverse fields to help them find what they love, the things that excite them and seem easy. I'm reminded of a quote by Thomas Edison, "I never did a day's work in my life. It was all fun." This quote is from a man who spent every waking hour experimenting until he held over 1,000 patents, including the electric light bulb. Fun doesn't necessarily equal wasted time!
I will say that traditional schooling does a fairly good job of exposing kids to various fields of study. They get to dabble in a lot of things. But the problem is perpetual dabbling, forced dabbling, and no freedom to dive in completely.
Such interesting stuff! Sometimes Peter talks about studying sociology and education philosophy in college. Be still my heart. Could I have raised an education reformer?
photos: Peter on the lights at a theater and Meg (around 10 years old) painting her bedroom door with roses
Jena began homeschooling in 1994. Her three children are now teenagers; one is graduated and attends  the University of Chicago on a full ride scholarship, the next one is 16 and pursues life without school in the arts, and the youngest is a freshman, trying out public school for the first time. In 2005 they bought a 7000 square foot church building and converted it into their home. You can read more about their adventures on her blog, yarns of the heart .
September 08, 2008
We were at a swim meet last weekend, and a little boy, maybe five or six, was playing in the sandbox. His t-shirt said, "Homeschool Rocks!"
Cool, I thought. There are only a few homeschooling families in our swim league, and in the midst of an activity permeated by school culture, I was excited to find another family.
So I asked, "Hey, are you homeschooled?"
And he looked at me like I had five heads and said, "Nope."
"Ummm, okay. I just thought maybe since your t-shirt says something about homeschooling..."
"It's just a shirt." And he walked very quickly away from the crazy lady who reads t-shirts and actually, I dunno, believes they say something about the people wearing them.
Of course, he could have been homeschooled and just messing with my head. Which, if true, obviously worked because I'm still thinking about it days later. Or, maybe he doesn't realize he's homeschooled because maybe his parents don't talk about homeschooling because maybe he's so immersed in living that schooling, or the lack of it, is not something he connects with himself or with learning.
When Langston was five, people started asking him about school . "Are you in school yet?" (No.) "Are you going into kindergarten?" (No.) "What school do you go to ?" (I don't.) Three years later, his answers haven't changed much. The difference is that three years later if his answer isn't followed by a mumbled, "I'm homeschooled," I don't rush to volunteer it.
When we first pulled Adria out after third grade, people often asked her why she wasn't in school during the day. Her standard response? "I'm an elementary school drop-out."
Eventually I stopped cringing.
During the school year, I start to forget that homeschooling is that unusual. Even when everyone (meaning Sterling) is healthy and we're able to do something with a group, it's generally with other homeschoolers. When we're at home, even though our neighbors don't homeschool, they know we do, and we had the mandatory philosophical discussions about our educational choices so long ago that it's now a non-issue.
Then swim team starts. The team is huge and the first year I was able to stay largely under the radar. Now, several years later, people recognize me and come up to talk and, inevitably, the conversation turns to school. Which means the questions begin. The why and the how... and I've figured out how to read people a little better so that when the questions start about curriculum, I can usually tell if I need to be a little vague about the concept of "relaxed eclectic". If I mention the area's museums and parks and I see something click in their eyes and they start nodding a little, I go into it a little more. If their eyes still look a little fuzzy and unsure and they respond with a "Yes, but which curriculum do you prefer?", I give a non-answer and change the direction of the conversation. Because, generally, I just don't feel like justifying how we do things. If the question comes up about socialization, I just point to my kids. Who tend to be in the middle of a group.
I forget that homeschooling confuses people. I forget that the idea is intimidating to some. I forget that we have become programmed into believing the tests and trusting this assembly line education that even teachers acknowledge doesn't work.
Which is something else I've noticed. The parents who are most confused about unschooling or more relaxed homeschooling aren't educators. Most teachers get it, particularly if they've been in the school system long enough to watch the tests take hold of the curriculum. My husband is going into administration now after more fifteen years in education and sometimes his co-workers question why his own children are homeschooled, but the questions don't last long because then they really think about it and it's pretty obvious.
It's weird in the summer to be immersed again among adults who introduce themselves as "Mr. or Mrs. Lastname" because I stopped being "Mrs. Lastname" a long time ago. It's weird to watch the middle school drama unfold and to watch the girls decide who they'll exclude this week and to watch my daughter recognize it happening and quickly include the girl in her own group of friends and so then watch the lines between groups blur a little.
It's interesting to watch the structure created in the public school blend with the lack of structure in our homeschooling life, and to watch others absorb it while we watch our own children respond appropriately to the social mores and expectations that we've been told they wouldn't learn. (Because, you know--they're sheltered. Undisciplined. Hell, they can go to the bathroom whenever they want--how are they ever going to survive in the "real" world?)
But then, maybe I think about it too much.
Maybe sometimes a t-shirt is just a t-shirt.
Missy's homeschooling journey began when she realized that the walls surrounding her daughter's classroom were too narrow; there was no room for exploration, no space for stretching. Now, she and her three children stretch and explore the world together. My blog: caffeinatedjive .
September 04, 2008
On Saturday, July 12, 2008 my family attended Field Day at Polyface Farm in Swoope, VA. For those who are not familiar with Polyface Farm and the Salatins who reside there and operate it, Polyface (farm of many faces) is a forerunner in the environmental livestock farming movement. Joel Salatin has written several books on his experiences in raising various animals on pasture. He laughingly admits that he had to 'learn how to think' and by doing so he has healed his pastures without chemicals, fed  the masses chemical-free, hormone-free meat and taught many of us new ways of raising our own food.
I thought it would be interesting to share our experience with you from many points of view, so I briefly interviewed my family about the "Polyface experience." M-Martina (who is 6), T-Travis (who is 16), MO-Mark (my husband) and B-Bettina (me)
Q: What surprised you about Polyface Farm Field Day?
M: How different their pork tasted. The grass fed pork was good .
T: The number of people there because I thought it would be a small event--more local than that.
MO: The lack of modernization. They are making everything work in the most simplistic way. B: I, too, was surprised by the masses of people there. Mark heard that there were over 1,800! What was most surprising to me about the farm, though, was the size of the pastured poultry boxes. They were far larger than I expected and far larger than our tiny, little tractors which hold 2 laying hens each.
Q: What did you find most interesting at Polyface?
M: The poison ivy growing all over a pile of wood.
T: The Racken house. The way the rabbits and chickens work so symbiotically.
MO: The Racken house where rabbits and chickens cohabitate.
B: The poultry processing set up. Here at MTBar, we work with a minimalistic processing set up but I see how Polyface has taken minimalist and made it really, beautifully fuctional. Stainless steel is nice. Really nice.
Q: What did you learn about rabbits?
M: Umm...
T: That they can eat themselves out of house and home because their manure is so fertile that clover grows where they poop and clover is too rich for them to eat.
MO: The local breeds are better than the imported breeds. (Daniel told us that rabbits raised near where you live are already bio-adapted to your region.)
B: I learned a lot about line breeding and also the number of weeks at which a bunny can be bred, should be weaned, pastured, butchered and rebred. I also loved the Racken house and hare-pen (isn't that a *great* name?). I've been convinced that rabbits would do well in a tractor situation, similar to the ones we keep our hens in, but Mark wasn't so much convinced. Now he is, and because he's the lead carpenter, maybe we can get moving in that direction now.
Q: What did you learn about chickens?
M: If the chickens weren't there, the rabbits wouldn't be there. (regarding the Racken house, where both rabbits and chickens are housed.)
T: Hmmm...
MO: You can fit a lot more of them in a small space than I thought you could.
B: This is more of a reinforcement, but the chicken served at lunch was really good. It was barbecued and a bit burnt, and still it was obvious that the meat had more texture and flavor and less of that jelly-like, mushy quality than commercial house-raised chickens have.
Q: What did you learn about processing chickens?
M: I didn't ask her this one because she has not been an active participant in this activity yet.
T: That people really like to use machinery! Some of those pluckers look like they could hold 5 or more chickens at once.
MO: 145 degrees for 90 seconds. (Speaking of scalding before plucking.)
B: That processing can be done in a small area if you have your set-up right.
Q:What did you learn about internships at Polyface Farm?
M: Interships?
T: They accept 2 per year. The youngest was 16 and the oldest in his 40's.
MO: Only 2 per year for 12 months.
B: That most of the focus for interns seems to be on the chicken processing facet of the operation. Also, they are booked up years in advance. Being accepted into the internship program is a huge deal, as it should be. You basically become part of the Salatin family.
Q:Are you interested in environmentally sound farming practices?
M: Yes.
T: Yes, very much so.
MO: Yes.
B: Duh. We paid a lot of money to buy those tickets and spend the weekend in the mountains! We are trying hard to incorporate sane farming into our lives and into our menu.
Q: What is the most important or useful thing you learned?
M: Not to climb on the hay because it might tumble down or have snakes in it.
T: That the hay racks in the cow barn are movable and can go up as the cow's manure and hay build up the floor level. MO: Keep it simple. It doesn't take a lot of money to make it work.
B: That it's much easier to produce and sell rabbit meat than poultry because it's still such a small, niche market.
I came home feeling like I am doing the right thing for my family by trying to raise much of our own food. We are still heavily dependent on markets but there are days when we sit down to supper and I realize: "Hey! We grew all of this." It's a great feeling and I thank the Salatins for sharing their lives and farming practices so freely with us. Because of Joel and his family, our lives are easier. I am also trying to keep in mind and take to heart the idea of sharing my farm with others, to quote Mr. Salatin, "Farmers and eaters occupy center stage here." It's not just about people who are trying to grow food. It's about those people who care about what they eat.
Bettina Colonna Essert is a native of the Virginia/North Carolina borderland. She currently lives on a 'farmette' in rural NE NC with her husband, 2 home schooled children and a menagerie of farm animals. Bettina is an Equine Sports Massage Therapist.
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