Preschooler Sleep
My nearly five year old (Laurie) didn't really like school. He's been going now since September and every morning he's been horribly upset as I've left him in class.
This year I decided I was going to change that and I have done everything possible to make sure he goes to school happily. This has meant using rewards, sticker charts, helping him visualise happy moments at school and, most importantly, changing my own behaviour.
In the last week I have made sure I am super organised so there's no room for panic and worried feelings, I've left for school earlier than normal so that we have time to stand in the playground for a few minutes and adjust to the new environment. I've also used positive language when talking about school and focused on the "five really great things about school" instead of talking about what Laurie doesn't like. I have also created a moment for us to say goodbye to each other and given Laurie something to do (change his book) as I leave.
Compare this to last year when I would talk to Laurie each day about why he didn't like school, I would often leave things to the last minute so that we were flustered and rushing by the time we left for school. I would plead with Laurie not to cry as I left, rather than giving him something positive to do while the separation occurred. It might all seem like common sense but I kind of lost my way for awhile.
And now Laurie bounces in and out of school. On Friday he told me he had a brilliant day. "I loved it" he said. This morning he went in with a smile on his face. As I was walking home I realised that Laurie's feelings about school had changed because I changed the way we were doing things.
It's just the same when it comes to your little one's sleep. I often hear people say, "Don't worry, when she's ready to sleep through, she will". But more often than not, that isn't the case and sleep problems that start in babyhood can continue for life. Ever heard the saying, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got"?
If you don't make changes to improve your baby, toddler, or child's sleep, then it is very unlikely that it will improve. I'm not saying it's easy, and you might face a difficult journey ahead. But the result could make you feel as good as I felt when I dropped my smiling son off at school today. So if you do wish you could change your little one's sleep habits, take a look first at what you are doing now, and then think about how you could do that differently, which may result in a different outcome. And if you need support, you know where we are. And you can always ask a question the Sleepytot Forum .
If you have a baby, toddler, or other small person, you may be thinking about how the clocks going back at 2am on Sunday 31 st October will affect their sleep.
Is your 6am early riser going to be bright and bushy tailed at 5am instead? How will you keep your toddler (who is normally shattered by 6pm every evening anyway), awake for an extra hour each night? The good news is that if your baby is in a good sleep routine, her internal clock will probably adjust itself naturally once you start putting her to bed at the new time. But to make things easier for you and your child, here are some tips:
1 - Start putting your baby or toddler to bed 5 minutes later each night between now and Sunday 31st October. This gives her time to adjust her body clock slowly and should prevent her from becoming overtired.
2 - As much as is possible, adjust meal times and nap times as you go along. So as bed time gradually gets later, so too will nap times, and meal times. This might not be easy if you have an older sibling at school or you and little one wait for daddy to come home for dinner. If this is the case and the gap between dinner and the bedtime routine becomes too big, try a relaxing walk in the buggy, drag out bath time and read books for longer than usual.
3 - If your little one doesn't adjust her wake up time right away, don't worry, she will do over the next few days. It takes awhile for our internal clocks to reset themselves.
4 - Sunlight plays a really important role in helping to establish our biological clocks so get outside for lots of fresh air and exercise in the day.
Of course, if your little one has been going to bed too late for your liking, now is the perfect time to fix this. Simply put her to bed at the original time and you gain an extra hour in the evening!
But remember, even if you do none of this when the clocks go back and simply put your baby to bed at the new time, she will eventually adjust. The important thing is that you keep the bedtime routine and your behaviour the same. It may be tempting to bring your baby into bed when she wakes at five every morning but this can become a habit that's hard to break. Stick to what you've always done, and she will know what to expect. This way any sleep disruptions will quickly settle down.
If you're anything like me, bedtime doesn't always go smoothly. Some days all is great and those last few minutes with the little ones snuggled up in bed listening to you finish the bedtime story are just perfect. But there are many nights when the baby won't go to sleep or your toddler asks for a drink for the 5 th time, you're frazzled from a long day and you just want the kids to GO TO SLEEP! On evenings like this, I can say for certain that I'm not exactly "emotionally available".
Yet new infant sleep research suggests that parents who are "emotionally available" to their babies and toddlers at bedtime help their children to sleep better at night. Researchers videotaped mothers in 39 families as they put their babies to bed, and also had them fill out questionnaires and sleep diaries. Dads were recruited to participate in the research but not enough of them interacted with their little ones long enough and so the study focused on mothers.The research, led by Douglas M. Teti at The Pennsylvania State University , found that, "Parents' emotional availability at bedtimes may be as important, if not more important, than bedtime practices in predicting infant sleep quality". The study showed that mothers who are calm, warm and sensitive with their baby and/or toddler promote feelings of safety and security, which results in better-regulated child sleep. If you're struggling to get your baby to sleep through the night , or go to sleep at bedtime, it is only natural that you may feel yourself becoming anxious or tense as bedtime approaches. Your baby can pick up on this, finding it harder to feel safe and sleep less well as a result. Here is a technique that I regularly use in my life for many issues and works very well when dealing with baby sleep problems .
Whenever you have a spare moment (just before you go to sleep or when the baby is napping), lie down and imagine you have a valve (like in a paddling pool) in each foot, each arm and in your chest. Now close your eyes and imagine the valve on your foot has been opened and all the air is slowly going out. Work around your body like this until you are eventually flat (in your mind ). All the while you are doing this, repeat to yourself "calm body, calm mind".  Try and do this every day. It should only take 5 to 10 minutes. If your mind starts to wander, bring it back to your body and focus on your body parts slowly deflating. Then when you are on the countdown to bedtime, anytime you find yourself becoming anxious or getting annoyed, say to yourself "calm body, calm mind". Keep saying it until you feel yourself calming down. Then carry on with bedtime.
Even if you lose your temper or become frustrated, you can very quickly use this technique to change the mood, relax, and remain loving and tender towards your child. If you are sleep training and your baby is becoming very upset, this is a very good technique to use so that when you go back into your baby's room, or if you are sitting in the room with him, you can stay calm and loving. It is possible to be firm, set limits and show your baby what the rules are, whilst remaining loving and "emotionally available". Not always easy, but very possible!
How about you? Are you "emotionally available" to your small people at bedtime, or do you find yourself becoming anxious or cross? And do you have any tips to share on how you keep bedtime calm and reassuring?
A new study by researchers at SRI International in California has found that children who go to bed around the same time every night and sleep at least eleven hours get better results. Getting less than this was linked to lower abilities in language, reading and early math skills.  Many studies before this relating to baby and child sleep have published similar findings.
In February, a study by academics in Finland suggested a good night's sleep could reduce bad behaviour and hyperactivity in children. Previous studies have found that babies learn and grow better when they nap and sleep well at night. Poor sleep habits in babies and children have been linked to obesity, hyperactivity, poor behaviour, slow growth and learning difficulties.
Despite the frequent studies telling us of the negative results our babies and children are suffering as a result of poor sleep habits, we still find it hard to teach them how to sleep through the night. I think there are three main reasons for this:
1 - The parents I speak to aren't viewing sleep as a behaviour issue in the same way that they do everything else. If we look at sleep as something our little ones have to learn how to do, then we understand it in context with children learning how to behave. In the same way a family has a "no biting" rule, they should also have a "sleep all night rule".
If your toddler cried after you told him off for biting, you wouldn't say it was ok for him to bite again. But when a toddler is waking up many times through the night, or a preschooler refuses to go to sleep at bedtime, parents don't know what to do. It helps if they think of sleep as a basic behavioural issue. We teach children how to behave the way we want them to through positive reinforcement of the good, and by ignoring, sometimes punishing, the bad. Babies and children have to test our rules in order to make sure they are real. Testing them may mean grizzling, moaning, shouting, even having a full scale tantrum. The way we show our little ones that the rule stands is by sticking to it. Often parents try a number of things to get their little ones to sleep, from rewards to angry threats. And when this doesn't work, they give up. But you can teach your baby or child to sleep. The best way to do this is through consistency.
2 - The advice from the parenting experts is conflicting. I think I have probably read all the baby and child sleep books out there. I also keep up with the media's coverage of baby and child sleep issues. Whilst much of the information is really good and useful, it is also conflicting. On the one hand, allowing your baby to "cry it out" can cause mother and baby attachment issues, child behaviour problems, and even brain damage. On the other hand, a poor sleeper will never do well at school and grow up obese and hyperactive.
Ok, I'm exaggerating. But the information is presented as an interesting story, rather than providing real life help and advice. And the trouble with this for sleep deprived parents is that they don't really know which way to turn. The truth is that it's not that complicated if you view your baby or child's sleep as a journey. Working towards the goal of a child who sleeps well means knowing where you're going and how you're going to get there. It doesn't have to be something you achieve overnight, or within 7 days, or whatever your midwife/friend/parent/colleague/new book tells you.
What's important is that once you have made the plan, decided on what works for your family, then you must be consistent. There is nothing more important in teaching your baby or child to sleep (or anything else) than consistency.
3 - Parents aren't given the advice on time. When I was a first time mum to be, I went to all the classes offered by my midwife and as my bump grew I learned about how to give birth and how to feed my baby after the birth. I never remember anyone talking about sleep. And yet, alongside feeding, your burning question in the first few weeks, months, maybe even years is... "when will he sleep through the night?"
There's nothing much you can do about how your baby sleeps in those first few weeks, and each family will make individual choices that work for them. Nonetheless there is some basic information about sleep that every new parent should know before the baby arrives. That basic information is laid out for you in our baby sleep guide (you can grab a free copy of this by entering your details in the boxes on the right). This information helps you to avoid starting habits that will later cause your baby to wake more frequently and possibly develop sleep associations which are hard to break after 6 months. You can also find lots more advice in the Sleepytot Forum and Sleepytot Community .
I like routines for my small people. They help me plan my day and they prepare my children for what's going to happen next.
My baby naps at about the same time every day so his body is ready for a sleep when I put him down, and this means he goes to sleep without any fuss. My four year old doesn't always nap in the day now, but he has a rest at the same time after lunch, and if he needs a sleep, he'll dose off.
But, and this might surprise you, I'm not a big fan of structured sleep programmes that we apply to our small people. I find that all babies and children are different - they have different sleep needs which are constantly changing. For example, a 9 month old baby may need 3 naps one day and 2 the next as he transitions from 3 to 2 naps a day.
One 3 month old baby may have three long blissful sleeps a day. Another might have five 45 minute naps and wake up smiling, well rested, and ready to play. They are all different. Trying to fit our babies into the sleep routine we want for them, or that we read about in a book, can make us feel like failures when they refuse to play ball!
That's not to say that we shouldn't guide them into healthy sleep patterns and into sleep routines that enable them (and us!) to get the rest they need. But I think it's a bit like a working partnership between us and our small people to reach the end goal - a baby who naps well and sleeps through the night !
So, just to show how differently babies and toddlers sleep, and also explore what they have in common, I'm putting together a collage of sleep routines by age on this website. Please share your small person's sleep routine in the comments below and in return, I'll enter you into a prize draw to win a Small Sleepytot Bunny   To start you off, here's mine: Frankie (15 months)
Wakes: 6:30am
Nap: 10:15am
Wakes: 11:45 or 12:30
Nap: 15:00
Wakes: 15:30 or 15:45 (I wake him from this nap or the little monkey would sleep for another hour and that affects bedtime!)