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How To Discipline Your Children Without Destroying Their Self Esteem
Published on Monday, 09 May 2011 22:50
Since we have a Family Conference coming up later this month I thought we would show a video from Craig Hill discussing one of the topics covered at this conference. One of the most difficult things for parents to learn is how to discipline their children without taking their children's value or destroying their children's self-esteem. You know many, many parents don't pre-plan their discipline and, as a result of that, they just shoot from the hip and end up damaging the emotions and the identity of their children, wounding their children, making their children feel worthless because of what that son or daughter did. You know we've taught so many parents how to learn to discipline their children and build their self-esteem, to bless and honor their children while they're disciplining.
Let me give you a real simple example. Have you ever seen a father or mother try to get a five year old to eat peas, for example? You know most children don't like peas. And what usually happens for a - let's say it's a father, sitting at the dinner table with his family and he says to his five year old daughter, "Honey, eat your peas." She says, "No!" He says, "Honey, but peas are good. Watch. Daddy will eat some peas. Mmmm." "No!" Then he says, "Honey, the spoon is an airplane. Open the hangar door." "No!" And so now, what do you do? Do you know that most parents are at a loss? They don't know what to do. And as a result of that, they find themselves in a power struggle with a five year old and they're losing.
So parents begin to raise the intensity and the volume of their voice. They start to yell and, maybe in the end, actually try to force that child to eat the peas. You know if you do that, you'll destroy the value and the self-esteem of your son or daughter. And many, many people have had their value taken from then when they were little children by their parents. And you know, many times that does damage for years and years to come and that child feels worthless, powerless, controlled and like "Nothing I can do is right. I can never please my dad or mom." So as a parent, how would you do it differently?
How about this scenario? I saw one father actually do this. He came to the dinner table dressed as a waiter with a towel over his arm and a dish of peas on the other hand. And he approached his daughter, the mother and the family were sitting at the table, and as he approached he said, "Good evening, miss. My name is Dad. I'll be your server tonight. For your dining pleasure and enjoyment, we have your choice of luscious green peas and television after dinner or no peas and no television after dinner. What's your choice?" The little girl said, "I'm not eating the peas, but I want television." He said, "I'm so sorry, miss. We're out of that selection tonight. We have your choice of luscious green peas and television or no peas and no television. Which would you like?" She said, "I'm not eating the peas!" He said, "Very well, miss" and took the peas away. After dinner, of course, she ran into the family room, grabbed the TV remote and began to try to turn it on. And she said, "Daddy, daddy! The TV doesn't work." He came in holding the power cord, you know, in his hand and said, "Yes, I know. Remember you had a choice at dinner - peas with television, no peas no television. You chose no peas no television." "But daddy, it's my favorite show." He said "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I love you so much. You're so precious to me, but no television tonight." And see, he could discipline his daughter with a smile. While she whined and pounded a little bit more, but he simply applied the consequence of her choice.
Now, you know, how many times do you think that that father had to do that? If you guess one, you're correct. The next week, he came again, dressed as a waiter: "Good evening, miss. For your dining pleasure and enjoyment, we have luscious green peas with television or no peas no television. What's your choice?" She said, "OK. I'll eat the peas." And you know he didn't have a problem with that in that family every week after that. Whereas if he would've yelled at her, screamed, tried to force, he would've created a lot of rebellion in her heart towards him as a dad. And he would've had that battle probably almost every single week. And so all of us as parents have a choice, we can learn how to discipline our children with honor and blessing, or we can learn how to discipline our children and take their value, not bless them, damage their identity, and take their self-esteem. It's just a matter of learning. You know we've developed many, many resources that explain this in much more detail and you might check out some of these resources on the website www.familyfoundations.com .