By Ted Feinberg, EdD, NCSP, & Katherine C. Cowan National Association of School Psychologists
Getting a new school year off to a good start can influence children's attitude, confidence, and performance both socially and academically. The transition from August to September can be difficult for both children and parents. Even children who are eager to return to class must adjust to the greater levels of activity, structure, and, for some, pressures associated with school life.
The degree of adjustment depends on the child, but parents can help their children (and the rest of the family) manage the increased pace of life by planning ahead, being realistic, and maintaining a positive attitude. Here are a few suggestions to help ease the transition and promote a successful school experience.
Before School Starts
Good physical and mental health . Be sure your child is in good physical and mental health. Schedule doctor and dental checkups early. Discuss any concerns you have over your child's emotional or psychological development with your pediatrician. Your doctor can help determine if your concerns are normal, age-appropriate issues or require further assessment. Your child will benefit if you can identify and begin addressing a potential issue before school starts. Schools appreciate the efforts of parents to remedy problems as soon as they are recognized.
Review all of the information . Review the material sent by the school as soon as it arrives. These packets include important information about your child's teacher, room number, school supply requirements, sign ups for after-school sports and activities, school calendar dates, bus transportation, health and emergency forms, and volunteer opportunities.
Mark your calendar . Make a note of important dates, especially back-to-school nights. This is especially important if you have children in more than one school and need to juggle obligations. Arrange for a babysitter now, if necessary.
Make copies . Make copies of all your child's health and emergency information for reference. Health forms are typically good for more than a year and can be used again for camps, extracurricular activities, and the following school year.
Buy school supplies early . Try to get the supplies as early as possible and fill the backpacks a week or two before school starts. Older children can help do this, but make sure they use a checklist that you can review. Some teachers require specific supplies, so save receipts for items that you may need to return later.
Re-establish the bedtime and mealtime routines . Plan to re-establish the bedtime and mealtime routines (especially breakfast) at least 1 week before school starts. Prepare your child for this change by talking with your child about the benefits of school routines in terms of not becoming over tired or overwhelmed by school work and activities. Include pre-bedtime reading and household chores if these were suspended during the summer.
Turn off the TV . Encourage your child to play quiet games, do puzzles, flash cards, color, or read as early morning activities instead of watching television. This will help ease your child into the learning process and school routine. If possible, maintain this practice throughout the school year. Television is distracting for many children, and your child will arrive at school better prepared to learn each morning if he or she has engaged in less passive activities.
Visit school with your child . If your child is young or in a new school, visit the school with your child. Meeting the teacher, locating their classroom, locker, lunchroom, etc., will help ease pre-school anxieties and also allow your child to ask questions about the new environment. Call ahead to make sure the teachers will be available to introduce themselves to your child.
Minimize clothes shopping woes . Buy only the essentials. Summer clothes are usually fine during the early fall, but be sure to have at least one pair of sturdy shoes. Check with your school to confirm dress code guidelines. Common concerns include extremely short skirts and shorts, low rise pants, bare midriffs, spaghetti strap or halter tops, exposed undergarments, and clothing that have antisocial messages.
Designate and clear a place to do homework . Older children should have the option of studying in their room or a quiet area of the house. Younger children usually need an area set aside in the family room or kitchen to facilitate adult monitoring, supervision, and encouragement.
Select a spot to keep backpacks and lunch boxes . Designate a spot for your children to place their school belongings as well as a place to put important notices and information sent home for you to see. Explain that emptying their backpack each evening is part of their responsibility, even for young children.
Freeze a few easy dinners . It will be much easier on you if you have dinner prepared so that meal preparation will not add to household tensions during the first week of school.
The First Week
Clear your own schedule . To the extent possible, postpone business trips, volunteer meetings, and extra projects. You want to be free to help your child acclimate to the school routine and overcome the confusion or anxiety that many children experience at the start of a new school year.
Make lunches the night before school . Older children should help or make their own. Give them the option to buy lunch in school if they prefer and finances permit.
Set alarm clocks . Have school-age children set their own alarm clocks to get up in the morning. Praise them for prompt response to morning schedules and bus pickups.
Leave plenty of extra time . Make sure your child has plenty of time to get up, eat breakfast, and get to school. For very young children taking the bus, pin to their shirt or backpack an index card with pertinent information, including their teacher's name and bus number, as well as your daytime contact information.
After school . Review with your child what to do if he or she gets home after school and you are not there. Be very specific, particularly with young children. Put a note card in their backpack with the name(s) and number(s) of a neighbor who is home during the day as well as a number where you can be reached. If you have not already done so, have your child meet neighbor contacts to reaffirm the backup support personally.
Review your child's schoolbooks . Talk about what your child will be learning during the year. Share your enthusiasm for the subjects and your confidence in your child's ability to master the content. Reinforce the natural progression of the learning process that occurs over the school year. Learning skills take time and repetition. Encourage your child to be patient, attentive, and positive.
Send a brief note to your child's teacher . Let the teachers know that you are interested in getting regular feedback on how and what your child is doing in school. Be sure to attend back-to-school night and introduce yourself to the teachers. Find out how they like to communicate with parents (e.g., through notes, e-mail, or phone calls). Convey a sincere desire to be a partner with your children's teachers to enhance their learning experience.
Familiarize yourself with the other school professionals . Make an effort to find out who it is in the school or district who can be a resource for you and your child. Learn their roles and how best to access their help if you need them. This can include the principal and front office personnel; school psychologist, counselor, and social worker; the reading specialist, speech therapist, and school nurse; and the after-school activities coordinator.
Overcoming Anxiety
Let your children know you care . If your child is anxious about school, send personal notes in the lunch box or book bag. Reinforce the ability to cope. Children absorb their parent's anxiety, so model optimism and confidence for your child. Let your child know that it is natural to be a little nervous anytime you start something new but that your child will be just fine once he or she becomes familiar with classmates, the teacher, and school routine.
Do not overreact . If the first few days are a little rough, try not to over react. Young children in particular may experience separation anxiety or shyness initially but teachers are trained to help them adjust. If you drop them off, try not to linger. Reassure them that you love them, will think of them during the day, and will be back.
Remain calm and positive . Acknowledge anxiety over a bad experience the previous year. Children who had a difficult time academically or socially or were teased or bullied may be more fearful or reluctant to return to school. If you have not yet done so, share your child's concern with the school and confirm that the problem has been addressed. Reassure your child that the problem will not occur again in the new school year, and that you and the school are working together to prevent further issues.
Reinforce your child's ability to cope . Give your child a few strategies to manage a difficult situation on his or her own. But encourage your child to tell you or the teacher if the problem persists. Maintain open lines of communication with the school.
Arrange play dates . Try to arrange get-togethers with some of your child's classmates before school starts and during the first weeks of schools to help your child re-establish positive social relationships with peers.
Plan to volunteer in the classroom . If possible, plan to volunteer in the classroom at least periodically throughout the year. Doing so helps your child understand that school and family life are linked and that you care about the learning experience. Being in the classroom is also a good way to develop a relationship with your child's teachers and classmates, and to get firsthand exposure to the classroom environment and routine. Most teachers welcome occasional parent help, even if you cannot volunteer regularly.
Extracurricular Activities
Go for quality, not quantity. Your child will benefit most from one or two activities that are fun, reinforce social development, and teach new skills. Too much scheduled time can be stressful, especially for young children, and may make it harder to concentrate on schoolwork. When evaluating extracurricular activities, consider your family schedule and personal energy level. Multiple activities per child may be too much to manage, particularly if the activities have overlapping times, disparate locations, require your attendance, or disrupt the dinner hour.
Select activities where you have someone with whom you can carpool. Even if you are available to drive most days, you will need backup sometimes. Choosing activities that occur on-site after school will also minimize driving.
Find out from the school or teacher which days will be heavy homework or test study days and schedule extracurricular activities accordingly.
If your child does not want to participate in regular, organized extracurricular activities, you may want to consider other options to help build interests and social skills. For example, check out the local library for monthly reading programs, find out if your local recreation or community center offers drop-in activities, or talk to other parents and schedule regular play dates with their children.
When Problems Arise
These recommendations can contribute to a positive and productive school experience for most children. Some children may exhibit more extreme opposition to or fear of school or may be coping with more specific learning or psychological difficulties.
If your child demonstrates problems that seem extreme in nature or go on for an extended period, you may want to contact the school to set up an appointment to meet with your child's teachers and school psychologist. They may be able to offer direct or indirect support that will help identify and reduce the presenting problem. They may also suggest other resources within the school and the community to help you address the situation.
While children can display a variety of behaviors, it is generally wise not to over-interpret those behaviors. More often than not, time and a few intervention strategies will remedy the problem. Most children are wonderfully resilient and, with your support and encouragement, will thrive throughout their school experience.
Clark, L. (1996). SOS: Help for parents (2nd ed.). Berkley, CA: Parents' Press. ISBN: 0935111204.
Dawson, M. P. (2004). Homework: A guide for parents. In A. Canter, L. Paige, M. Roth, I. Romero, & S. Carroll (Eds.), Helping children at home and school II: Handouts for families and educators . Bethesda, MD: National Association of School Psychologists.
Rimm, S. (1996). Dr. Sylvia Rimm's smart parenting: How to raise a happy, achieving child . New York: Crown. ASIN: 0517700638.
Ready for Kindergarten
Get Ready, Get Set, GoTo Kindergarten by Anita Gurian, Ph.D. and Susan Schwartz, M.A. Ed.
Introduction What makes a child ready? What do teachers expect? How parents can help
What makes a child ready? Although kindergarten marks the official start of formal school, children have really been getting ready since they were born. Through their interactions with family, caregivers and friends-the people around them-they have been learning some important readiness skills such as being responsive to others, becoming curious about the world around them and eager to master new abilities. In kindergarten programs that are developmentally oriented, language, cognitive, sensory motor and social-emotional skills are strengthened through play and systematic, planned opportunities. In other cases, kindergarten programs that assume all children are equally ready resemble a downward version of the early elementary grades. They use structured whole-class instruction and paper-and-pencil activities based on reading and math. This type of academically-focused program has been deemed inappropriate by many early childhood educational and mental health professionals.
What do teachers expect? The child entering kindergarten should have or be in the process of achieving competence in the following areas:
Language and communication -the child should be working towards or be able to
express him or herself understandably with a variety of words and complete sentences of 5 or 6 words talk about an experience ask and answer questions produce and understand negative sentences follow two or three oral directions
Cognitive ability -the child should be working toward or be able to
sort objects by color, size, same/different understand number concepts such as one-to-one relationships understand relational concepts (bigger, in front of, etc.) understand times of day identify beginning sounds, rhyming words Fine and gross motor skills-the child should be working toward or be able to use large muscle abilities such as walking, running, climbing, skipping, hopping, and bouncing a ball use fine motor skills requiring eye-hand coordination, such as using pencils, crayons scissors; tracing basic shapes; drawing a picture of self; assembling a puzzle of l0/12 pieces; button and zip own clothing
Social and behavioral -
the child should be working toward or be able to:
understand the purpose of games, such as tag, ball playing work independently or within a group work with other children toward a common goal-such as building an agreed-upon block structure attend to and finish a task take turns and share be willing to try new things show prosocial and empathic behavior such as picking up social cues, reading the reactions of others, comprehending the effect of one's behavior on other children and adults Social expectations and conventions-the child should be working toward or be able to respond appropriately to adults and authority figures follow adult instructions and understand the consequences of behavior follow rules, respect property of others Self-help and personal behavior-the child should be working toward or be able to
initiate own activities care for own belongings show appropriate self-control care about personal appearance and habits be aware of personal data, such as name, phone number In summary, kindergarten readiness depends on an individual child's developmental pattern and whether it is consistent with the expectations of the kindergarten program.
How parents can help:
Make the best child/kindergarten match Know basic facts and educational philosophy of the program your child may enter: how many children in class, age range of children, teacher support such as assistants or aides, training of staff, adaptations for children with special needs. Make sure the kindergarten program is developmentally appropriate and ascertain if activities are individualized. Talk with a parent of a child who has gone through the program. If you approve of the program, arrange for a visit before the start of school. If possible, arrange for your child to meet before school starts with others who will be in the same program. If your child is enrolled in a preschool make sure the kindergarten has a transition process with the preschool in place. Establish a relationship with the kindergarten teacher and feel free to be in touch with her during the year. To get your child ready to begin school, walk or drive by the school several times and talk about what the child can expect when going to the new school. Know the curriculum
Some kindergarten teachers assign homework, such as picking a book to look at or that parents or caregivers can read to the child or finding pictures of objects that start with a specific letter. When school starts, find out whether there will be homework and how involved you should be in helping your child to complete the assignments. Homework should take the child no more than 15 or 20 minutes; if it takes longer contact the teacher to determine whether the work is appropriate or the child is having some difficulty which should be monitored.
Provide enriching experiences to supplement kindergarten activities
Play games and provide activities which promote reasoning and problem-solving skills. For example, cook and bake together and discuss amounts of ingredients and how combining them results in changes, emphasizing cause-and-effect relationships. Common household tasks such as sorting socks, stacking the dishwater, setting the table, peeling vegetables promote classification and number concepts as well as fine motor development.
Read books and watch television shows together and talk about the story, how characters feel and act, the sequence of events, how people's actions affect outcomes.
Sing songs and play rhyming games to develop sound awareness, which are reading readiness skills.
Make activities short so that children can focus and see them through to completion. Cooperation and communication between the kindergarten staff and children's homes will insure that the kindergarten years enhance their social/emotional, language, and cognitive development and serve as a basis for the school years to follow.
Homesickness can overshadow the joys of a child's summer camp experience, but support from camp counselors and parents can help children cope with this problem. To help a homesick child, parents must be sympathetic and at the same time set limits. In the long run, working through homesickness can better equip children to cope with future separations and adjustments to new situations.
Why children get homesick
Homesickness is often caused by anxiety over separation from parents. Although the problem is most common among first-time campers, especially those attending sleep-away camps, even experienced campers can be affected.
What parents can do
·          Keep connections to home A child can be reassured through letters, or "care" packages of books, baseball cards or other treats from home. A teddy bear, toy or other special item from home can be of particular comfort to a younger child. It is not advisable to send a beloved toy since the child could be upset if it was lost or broken. Some camps have the capability to stay connected via e-mail. Parents should be careful about having these virtual "calls" and "visits" interfere with adjustment.
·          Make the separation gradual Slowly getting the child used to being away is generally helpful for homesickness. If possible, parents should telephone the child daily at the same time for a few days, gradually reducing the frequency and length of calls. During the call, parents can acknowledge their child's fears, but also reinforce their pride in the child's being in camp and his or her achievement in activities. Parent should also keep in mind that one or two dramatic letters or calls indicating homesickness may be an exaggeration and a natural part of the adjustment. Being patient is often the solution. The child who hated camp the first week may be the same child who begs to go back next summer.
·          Monitor their own separation difficulties Parents should be sensitive to their own anxiety about the separation. Children easily can pick up a parent's worry and feel unsure about going off on their own.
·          Enlist the help of siblings If older siblings are attending the same camp, parents can make arrangements for visual contact and a few minutes for the children to talk each day. This helps reassure the homesick child but does not cast the older child as a caretaker-a situation that can cause resentment.
·          Work with camp staff Camp counselors can have an important role in the adjustment process. They can ease the adjustment by preventing teasing and by encouraging a child to participate in activities. If a child is having extreme difficulty, parents should be sure there is no objective reason for the child's unhappiness such as scapegoating by other children or counselors, or a bad experience with an activity.
·          Take the child home In some circumstances the camp and camper are a bad fit and the child needs to return home. Structuring the remaining time at home is key to keeping the child productive and minimizing any blows to his self-esteem. Rather than portray the situation as a defeat, it can be discussed as a challenging experience that was worth exploring. Talking specifically about what worked or did not work can be beneficial for helping the child handle future camp-like experiences. Parents should also be sensitive to any emerging anxiety issues that may warrant further evaluation.
·           Introduction: Why and How
Moving to a new community can be an exciting but sometimes difficult event for a child and a family, depending on the circumstances For example, different issues are raised if the move is due to a parent's promotion rather than divorce, death, or change of family income. Similarly, a child's ability to cope is different if the family is in the military and moving is a necessary and repeated part of life compared to a family moving only once. The logistics of the move also influence a child's adjustment; moving across town is far less complicated than a move across the country. For many moving is a positive experience, as it brings the opportunity to develop new friendships, pursue new interests, increase social confidence, and learn important lessons about adapting to change. If parents are positive about the move, children will have an easier time adjusting. Following is a guide for managing the different issues facing parents and children when they move.
Age Matters
A child's age and general personality affect how the child will deal with moving. Some children adapt easily to new situations; others may need more time to make a gradual adjustment.
·          Infants, toddlers, and preschoolers are not able to comprehend the meaning of the move or complex explanations. They are affected more by the reactions and availability of their caretakers. They do best when things are predictable; thus keeping to a routine with familiar things and people eases the transition for them. Avoid making other changes at the same time as the move, such as toilet training or transfer to a new bed, so as not to overwhelm and confuse a young child.
·          Children in kindergarten or first grade may be vulnerable because they are in the process of separating from their parents and adjusting to new authority figures and social relationships. They may temporarily regress to behaviors typical of an earlier stage and become more dependent on their parents.
·          School-age children are likely to be concerned about fitting in with new peers and dealing with different academic demands. Their general personality and social style may influence their ease in adjustment. They may also be better able to tolerate the new kid jitters if a sibling will be at the same school.
·          Teens will be able to understand the nuances of the decision to move, but may also be resistant to change. At a time when they are establishing important relationships outside of the family, they may feel the move threatens their evolving identity. Thus the move can be disruptive to the stability they have already established with a core group of friends or with an athletic or academic path they are pursuing.
·          Some children will actually thrive in the new environment depending on the circumstances of the move, an accepting peer group, and a supportive mentoring adult network.Some children may actually thrive in the new environment depending on the circumstances of the move, an accepting peer group, and a supportive mentoring adult network.
The Moving Process
Three phases of the move-before, during, and after-and three environments-educational, social, and family-should be considered.
Before the Move
·          Timing the move is important. Parents should carefully consider their options when faced with the decision to move. Certain moves may be inevitable, as when a parent must transfer jobs, or impossible to predict, as when a parent dies. But when circumstances allow for flexibility, it is often better to postpone or avoid a move at certain transitional times, such as when a teen is a junior in high school, or immediately following a divorce. Some people find that moving mid year enables children to take the second part of the school year to adjust, while others find that starting fresh in the fall when change typically happens is easier. When timing is not ideal, options may be possible to ease the strain, such as having a high school student remain in town with a friend or relative to finish out the year. The pros and cons for all those involved must be carefully weighed, and when an older child is affected, the child's wishes should be considered.
·          Talk about the decision. Explain the reason for the move in language appropriate to the child's age. If the move is for the better, explain how it will affect the children for the better. If the move will mean difficult changes, parents must be honest about things that will and will not change. For older children, include them, if possible, in any decision making. Although children may not have veto power about the move, allow them control over certain areas of their life such as the color of their new bedroom or the choice of after-school activities.
·          Of course, whenever possible, children should visit the new home and town before the move. If this is not possible, obtaining a video or having friends or a real estate agent send pictures via the Internet will help children visualize their new home, make the decision real, and help them plan the living arrangements.
·          Older children may enjoy using the Internet to research their new home. Map Quest and visitor's bureau information sites can get them involved, interested, and looking forward to self-designed adventures.
·          It can be helpful to plan the first visit back home before setting out. Children will be less likely to feel alone if they are able to look forward to getting back together with friends .
·          Be prepared for difficult reactions and be careful not to succumb to bribes or threats. Children are often naturally upset and angry about a move. Parents should not sugar coat or minimize their reactions, nor should they avoid a child's negativity. Some leniency may creep in-extra time spent on the computer or watching TV-however, it is important to set limits on behavior and acting out, but it is also important to accept their sadness.
·          For children with special needs , parents should plan ahead for referrals and resources. Maintaining consistent services and proactively setting up systems for children with educational, medical, or mental health needs can ease the transition, help maintain progress, and deal with problems resulting from the move. Current tutors, teachers, mental health and medical professionals should be consulted and asked for recommendations and help in obtaining services in the new location.
During the Moving Process
·          It can be tempting to literally "clean house" when moving. But this should be done gingerly with respect to children's possessions. Discarding old toys or unused items may be warranted at the time of a move, but the loss of material things may overwhelm some children. Better to help them sort out the bulk of their things once they've moved in when they can feel more in control of their new environment.
·          For young children and toddlers, put their furniture on the moving van last so that it is first to unload. This will help orient them quickly to the new surroundings.
·          Have children of all ages pack a bag of essential, favorite, "can't live without" things to keep with them at all times.
After the move-it's time to attend to school, social and family life
·          Scheduling some trips away from the new home may actually help establish the new base. It becomes the place to "come home to" and enhances the sense of familiar place that is needed.
·          Have children invite friends from their old hometown for a visit. This can help the child make decisions about what is new and fun and give the child a chance to "show off" the new place. It also helps the child get an oft-needed dose of validation from old buddies.
·          Access religious and community organizations. They can provide a ready structure of activities, contacts, and resources for the whole family. If the family was involved with similar groups before, participating in such activities in the new location can increase feelings of familiarity.
·          Encourage children to become involved in a sports team. Teams provide a ready-made group of peers on a regular basis. It becomes easier for a child to then say 'hi' and to avoid feeling like a stranger in the lunchroom. Parents can invite the team over for ice cream or pizza to help the child build new relationships. In this way parents can get to know parents of new peers.
·          A school club or group is another activity to be encouraged for children. Not only does this provide the benefit of a ready group of peers with a similar interests; it offers an adult contact for the child and for the parent as well. Most parents and children can find some type of organized, existing activity that will meet a child's needs; a child who is mechanical may do well on the technical crew of the drama club. It may be important to think beyond the traditional orchestra, soccer team, and chess club.
·          Older children and teens can also benefit from volunteer work or a job that does not interfere with their academic responsibilities. These activities can help integrate them into the community at large, provide access to new people, and increase a sense of confidence.
·          Parents should also access their own network to gain information about the local culture for themselves and their children. Especially with teens, who are more apt to be on their own without adult supervision, it is important for parents to know where teens hang out, what's safe, what pitfalls to avoid.
·          Parents should not be surprised if their child shows improvement outside of home before having a changed attitude with the family. It is important to be in contact with the school and other areas in which children or teens are involved to monitor their progress in making the transition. Children who are still sullen or angry at the parents about the move at home may in fact be making a good transition in school and showing signs of acceptance and integration. It is also vital to be aware of how children are adjusting so that parents or other adults can intervene to help a child if necessary.
·          The Internet is a mixed blessing for children in such situations. E-mail to far away friends helps a child stay connected to a support system and provides an outlet for talking about the new home and experiences. But, when a child spends long periods of time chatting with friends "back home" it can decrease the motivation to become involved with the new community and interfere with the adjustment to new friends.
·          Be patient, some children will dive in, develop a support network of friends, and become involved with school and activities without missing a beat. Other kids may need more time and help to feel acclimated and at ease. Providing them with new experiences in new places will help them in the future when they make decisions for themselves about where to live.
When parents are sensitive to the impact of moving on their children, they can make moving a positive experience, enhancing children's emotional growth, adaptability, self-confidence and social skills.