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Discipline Methods
Q: I am very worried about sending my 10-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son to stay with my ex-husband this summer. We have never agreed on how to discipline them, and I think he is too strict and won't treat them right. What can I do?
A: First, is it safe for the children? If it is, attempt to communicate with your ex and develop some planned compromises. Come up with a general list of unacceptable behaviors AND a list of positive behaviors. Determine what you consider a suitable reaction for each item on the list. Try and find a middle ground that you both can live with. Then share this with the children so they know what to expect. Remember that different reactions are needed for different aged children. For example, a good rule of thumb for time spent in "time out" is a minute for each year of the child's age. Assuming that they are safe and it is a difference of opinion, then the main thing you can do is find a way for you and the children to understand that the households have different views and, as such, different rules. Neither is more right or wrong, just different. Love and consistency are what count over time.