When Suzanne Beletz dropped off her 11-year-old son for a two-week stay at a summer camp, she knew she'd miss him more than he missed her.
"That's definitely the case with me," said Beletz, of Upper Southampton. "But I knew he was having a great time. If I had thought he was homesick I wouldn't have been so fine."
This is a typical scenario, according to experts. Camps have myriad ways to help youngsters avoid being homesick. The larger problem is parents suffering from "kid-sickness."
It's a situation Steven Bernstein deals with daily. He's camp director at Camp Diamond Ridge in Jamison.
"It's harder for parents to say goodbye," he said.
Bernstein's staff is trained to help kids transition to the overnight camp. They have team-building and ice-breaker activities on the first day to help youngsters cope.
For parents, the camp has communication tools that let them stay up to date with their children's activities but don't interfere too much with their camp experience.
Bernstein, a camp director for nine years, attributes "kid-sickness" to the immediacy of current technology like text messages, e-mail and instant messaging.
"It's more the parents that feel they have the need to talk to their child right away," he said.
As a general rule, campers aren't allowed to have cell phones, but they can call home once a week on Sundays. One feature the camp has is called a FaxBack system. It lets kids handwrite a letter, but instead of waiting for the postal service delivery, the letter is put through a fax machine and sent as an e-mail attachment to their parents. The letter reaches parents in 10 to 15 minutes, instead of a few days.
Child and family psychologists Andrea E. Sywulak and Craig D. Weiss, based in Upper Southampton, agree that today's instant gratification from technology is a big factor in why parents miss their kids.
"Now at 7 or 8 years old, kids have a cell phone," Sywulak said. "Parents can have immediate contact with them. Without that, the parent feels at a loss of control."
Camp Diamond's photo gallery, which posts daily online, lets parents know their children are having a good time.
"That's a wonderful idea," Sywulak said. "It lets them still feel involved, but not to the point where they're doing something the camp doesn't want them to."
Sywulak said that parental involvement has good and bad points. It means that parents are active in their kids' lives but also that children might become dependent on their parents and don't learn to problem solve for themselves.
To deal with missing their children, the psychologists suggest parents use the time away to reconnect with their spouses, old friend and hobbies they might normally be too busy for.
"Older generations of parents weren't as emotionally or psychologically connected to their children," Weiss said. "Now parents see their children as their friends."
Matthew Simkus, 12, from Washington Crossing has gone to Camp Diamond Ridge for three years. He gets a letter from his mom, Abby, every two or three days. He writes back, but the only time he's homesick is the first day of camp.
"It's a little boring writing the letters," he said on his way to play flag football.
While his mom loves getting letters, she likes the immediate contact she gets using Bunk1 - an e-mail system that sends e-mails from the parents to their kids.
"I like the immediacy, so that he knows that I heard about what he's done right away," she said. "It's way too quiet in my house without them. And you're missing out on what they're doing. Their letters aren't very informative; I wish I could be a fly on the wall at that camp."
Another contributing factor to "kid-sickness," said Weiss, is the perception that today's world is more dangerous. "There's a large percentage of parents who know exactly where their kids are every second," he said. "Now with all of the information we have, the world is seen as a more and more dangerous place - especially as far as children are concerned."
Susan Neiger Gould, the camp director at Camp Onas in Ottsville, agreed. The camp only uses traditional mail, and Gould said in 15 years as camp director she hasn't had a problem. But she has noticed that parents are more involved and ask more questions about the facilities and staff background.
"I think that there's an anxiety level for parents, so it's harder to not have your child right with you," she said.
Tips for combating "kid-sickness'
* Remember this is good for your kid. While camp is a time for fun, it's also a growing-up experience. Bob Ditter, a child, adolescent and family therapist in Boston, says parents often comment to him how their children change at camp - in good ways. They learn to problem-solve and develop social skills. They often come home willing to take on more responsibility.
* Do your homework. Researching the camp and understanding more about its staff and inner workings will help you cope better. What's the camp's mission? What activities are planned? How do counselors handle such matters as homesickness and getting along? And what sort of medical staff is on hand? Take a tour beforehand, if you can.
* Keep communication upbeat. It's fine to say "I miss you." But when writing to your child, avoid saying things like, "The dog misses you, and the house is so empty." Ask about activities at the camp and new friends. "If parents focus on the positive, I think it helps kids feel better about being there," Ditter says.
* Keep busy. Your kids will have a lot to do while they're away, which helps them with homesickness. Plan some things to do, too. Pick up an old hobby, catch up with an old college roommate or plan a trip you might not take with kids.
* Discuss your "kid-sickness" with another adult. Talk to your spouse or a friend if you're having a hard time having your kid away. Very likely, you're not alone. Remind yourself why you sent your child to camp. Experts also say these separations are good preparation for the day your kids leave home for college or work.
* Forget the Web cam. Experts say you send the wrong message to your kids if you need to constantly monitor them. They need to know that you trust them to make good decisions. By stepping in, you also undermine the camp staff's credibility. Bottom line: If you don't trust the camp, don't send your kid there.