Download details
Granting autonomy
Created Size Language
2009-06-27 85.85 KB
Granting autonomy
Everyone strives for autonomy - seeking greater autonomy is a normal part of growing up, particularly during adolescence, because this is the time children want to have more control over their own lives. To be autonomous is to be able to decide things for yourself, to choose the things you do and how you'll behave. The challenge for parents is to know when to give their children control and how much control they should give at any point.
What is autonomy?
The difficulty of knowing when to grant autonomy
What parents and teenagers think
Where parents and teenagers agree and disagree
What you can do with this information
When should I let my teenager go shopping by themselves? Choose what movies to watch? Stay at home by themselves? Go on a date? So many parents ask these questions. However, there is no simple formula for answering questions like these. There are many different views about what age teenagers should be before they are allowed to do adult activities. Opinions will vary between people, families, communities and cultures.
Also, giving simple answers to these dilemmas is difficult because no two situations or teenagers are the same; what is right for one teenager may not be right for another. Parents have to approach each issue on a case-by-case basis and make decisions based on how they think their teenagers will cope with the situation.
How to decide when to give your teenager greater autonomy
Parents can read the topics Decision making and responsibility (part 1) and (part 2) for ideas about how to decide what and when their teenager should be able to decide for themselves, and how best to balance teenagers' demands for independence with the need to keep themself as safe as possible. The idea is that teenagers are given greater independence as they demonstrate the ability to be responsible. This happens gradually as the young person's thinking and emotions develop, and they gain practise and experience in decision making.
Grappling with these issues is difficult, and it is common for parents to feel uncertain and unsure about what to do. At times like this, it can sometimes be helpful to know what other parents think about when to give teenagers greater autonomy.
Researchers at Melbourne's RMIT University asked many parents and their teenagers for their views about when teenagers should be able to decide things for themselves. The table below shows the results of their survey.
At what age do you think teenagers should be allowed to decide ...
Average age, rounded to nearest ½ year
Average age, rounded to nearest ½ year
... to go shopping to a large centre without you?
14 ½
... to leave school?
16 ½
... what food they may eat?
12 ½
... what time to go to bed?
14 ½
... to drink alcohol if they want to?
16 ½
... which television shows to watch?
14 ½
11 ½
... to go on a date if they want to?
13 ½
... what school they will go to?
... what clothes to wear?
11 ½
... what films they go and see?
15 ½
... the time they should come home at night?
17 ½
15 ½
... smoke if they want to?
17 ½
Source: Wilks &amp; McPherson (2002)
Parents and teenagers have different views The survey shows that parents and children had different opinions. In general, teenagers want independence earlier than their parents want to give it.
The biggest differences found were over everyday matters, including choosing television programs, clothes, films to watch, and curfew times.
There was more agreement between parents and teenagers on issues where there is a community standard, such as leaving school, drinking alcohol and smoking. This may be because there are laws in place to regulate these activities.  For instance, students are legally obliged to stay at school until they are 16, and smoking and drinking are restricted to people 18 years or older.
The ages shown in the above table are average ages. As you would expect, parents decisions about when to let their teenagers make decisions varied. For example, while some parents believed that 9 years was the right age for their child to choose what food to eat, other parents thought their child shouldn't be allowed to decide this until they were 15-years-old.
This was also true of the teenagers, although always at a lower age than the age chosen by parents.  For example, on the issue of food, the teenager responses ranged from 8-14 years.
Another thing the research found was that what teenagers say and what they do are quite different. Most teenagers said that they had done most of the things they were asked about at least a year before they said they should be allowed to.
What parents and teenagers agreed on
The survey asked parents and teenagers to think about ages for boys to make decisions, compared with girls. Parents and teenagers agreed in this one area. Almost everyone who filled in the survey thought that there should be no difference in the ages at which boys and girls make their own decisions.
Some things to think about
Given the results of this survey, don't be surprised if you and your teenager disagree about when they should be allowed to decide things for themselves. And, be aware that these disputes are likely to be about common, everyday issues.
Don't despair, research shows that while there is often conflict about these activities, there are usually only two to three disagreements per week on average, and that these are not typically angry exchanges.
Also, conflict is not always a bad thing. When parents and teenagers deal with conflict in a constructive way, teenagers can learn valuable skills for life outside of their family. By learning how to deal effectively with these milder, common issues, you'll also find yourself better prepared if conflicts that are more serious arise. The practice will pay off.
However, if your views are radically different from those in the survey, you may want to ask yourself why? What is so different in your situation? Are you being reasonable? Are there other things that you should take into account?
Try discussing the issues listed in the survey with your teenager. Knowing in advance where you and your teenager disagree might help you to prepare to handle disagreements in a more constructive manner if they should arise.
If nothing else, you now have some idea about what other parents think. This might help when your teenager is complaining that all the other parents are letting their teenagers do something.
Some ideas to help
Now that you're aware of this information, you can prepare yourself and your child for what may be coming up. You aren't going to agree on some issues so plan ahead, talk to your child about your expectations and give your reasons for them. Be prepared to listen to your teenager's point of view. However, there may be some circumstances where you do not feel that they are ready to make their own decisions. In that case, put some rules in place and be prepared to back up your rules and limits with some effective consequences. Setting limits may be helpful.
If you do have a disagreement about these issues, you might find the Connecting with your teenager and Problem-solving topics useful.
Finally, no matter what other people think, you know your own child best so you are in the best position to decide at what age your teenager should be allowed to make decisions for themselves. Remember that many different factors will influence your decision. Have confidence in your own knowledge and experience and your child's.
Sources   Hudson, A., Bell, W., Hudson, T. &amp; Houndoulesi, V.  (1986).  The views of parents and adolescents on the granting of behavioural autonomy to adolescents: Some normative data.  The Australian Educational and Developmental Psychologist, 3 (2), 6-11.
Mouradian, W.E.  (1999).  Making decisions for children.  The Angle Othodontist, 69 (4), 300-305.
Noom, M.J., Dekovic, M. &amp; Meeus, W.H.J.  (1999).  Autonomy, attachment and psychosocial adjustment during adolescence: A double-edged sword?  Journal of Adolescence, 22, 771-783.
Riesch, S.K., Bush, L., Nelson, C.J., Ohm, B.J., Portz, P.A., Abell, B., Wightman, M.R., &amp; Jenkins, P.  (2000).  Topics of conflict between parents and young adolescents.  Journal for Specialists in Pediatric Nursing, 5 (1), 27-40.
Wilks, R. &amp; McPherson, M  (2002).  Parent and adolescent perceptions of the granting of behavioural autonomy: A comparison after twelve years.  Unpublished manuscript: Department of Psychology and Intellectual Disability Studies, RMIT University.
Prepared by the Parenting Research Centre © Victorian Government Department of Human Services 2003
Resources in your language
A selection of topics from ABCD parenting resources have been translated into the following languages:
Choose a language English .       |_  Common Problems .       |_  Ideas for Parents .       |_  Support for Parents .       |_  Alcohol and Other Drugs Arabic .       |_  Common Problems .       |_  Ideas for Parents .       |_  Support for Parents Macedonian .       |_  Common Problems .       |_  Ideas for Parents .       |_  Support for Parents Spanish .       |_  Common Problems .       |_  Ideas for Parents .       |_  Support for Parents Turkish .       |_  Common Problems .       |_  Ideas for Parents .       |_  Support for Parents Vietnamese .       |_  Common Problems .       |_  Ideas for Parents .       |_  Support for Parents