Toilet Training
You might be ready to get rid of nappies - but is your child?
Toilet training can be a most puzzling and frustrating experience both for a child and their parents.
Is your Child Ready for Toilet Training?
While the thoughts of not having to change any more nappies is very appealing, the process of toilet training is viewed with anxiety. The thoughts of accidents and the need to be always aware of your child's toileting needs can be quite daunting.
However if your child is ready for training and is showing an interest, the chances are that it will go smoothly and you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner! One of the most important things to consider is the timing.
If you begin before your child is ready, toilet training will be a struggle and if you leave it too late it might be difficult to get your child motivated.
Here are some indications that your child is ready to be toilet-trained:-
When your child can stay dry for an hour or two at a time and is sometimes dry after naps
Understands the concepts involved e.g. Wet/dry , up/down, clean/dirty etc. This understanding helps them make sense of the process of toilet training.
Has some awareness of body functions, lets you know in some way that they are having a bowel movement or urinating. The child who can tell when they are about to urinate is ready for training.
Has some ability to communicate their needs and follow simple instructions.
It helps if your child is able to do some simple dressing, e.g. pull up bottoms.
Curiosity about the bathroom habits of others. This can be the first step in toilet training - children love to be able to do what the grown-ups do.
And Night Time ?
When your child is occasionally waking up with dry nappies after their nights sleep.
Frequently waking up dry from daytime naps.
Beginning to be upset by nighttime wetting.
Will get up during the night to go to the toilet.
Has the ability to stay dry for up to 4 hours during the day.
There is not a set age to begin toilet training - rather it depends on the individual child. You need to take your child's lead in this and follow their cues. Some say that you should train during the summer months so the child can roam freely without nappies.
However its more important that the timing is in tune with your child rather than waiting for the weather, after all in Ireland you could be waiting a while!!
Tips for Toilet Training
As you set out on this new adventure with your child here are some tips you may find useful:-
Follow your child's pace. Some children are trained with a fortnight but most take longer than that. If you think your child is finding the process of potty training too difficult and stressful then the best approach is to leave it for another few weeks/months and try again. If you put too much stress on the child they will find it very difficult to train and may be put off the whole exercise.
Suggest but never force, you need your child's co-operation to train them and as any parent of a toddler knows they do not respond kindly to being forced into situations. Your approach needs to be low key and non-threatening.
Avoid punishments - again it is vital that you have your child's co-operation and motivation when they are being trained. It has to be a positive experience for them so punishments do not have a place in this process.
Do not show disgust at faeces - young children can be fascinated about what comes out of their body. While you do not need to encourage this exploration you need to be careful not to show too much disgust as this might put the child off the whole process.
Instill hygienic practices from day one - remember your young child will need help to wash hands properly. After every visit to the toilet or potty you should help your child wash their hands. If you insist on this practice at this early age it will become a habit for their lifetime.
Give plenty of opportunities to go to the toilet. In the first few weeks of toilet training you will need to remind your little one at frequent intervals to try the potty or toilet - as time goes on they will remember themselves.
Use consistent vocabulary to describe toileting activities. Use the same words to describe what is happening when your child uses the toilet as when they are familiar with this vocabulary it will be easier for them to let you know when they need to use the toilet.
Act promptly if asked for potty !
Praise is all important, try to concentrate on your child's achievements. As your child learns these new Skills, there will be a number of accidents. The best approach to these is to play them down and give most attention to your child's successes. Good luck!
Toilet training can be a most puzzling and frustrating experience both for a child and their parents.
Below are some frequently asked questions by parents:-
At what age should I start potty training?
There is no specific age at which you should begin toilet training. It really depends on whether your child is ready or not. Check out Ready for Toilet Training.
There is usually a window of opportunity when it comes to toilet training and starting to train too soon can put your child off the whole process and leaving it too late can mean you lose out on your child's motivation and cooperation when training.
Are there things I can do beforehand to help prepare my child?
It is always a good idea to have a potty lying around so your child gets used to it. My son used it as a helmet for months before he started using it as a potty!
It is also a good idea to allow your toddler to accompany you to the bathroom so they can see what you are doing. Let them help flush the toilet so they won't be scared of it when it comes to their turn to use it.
Also encourage your child to help when you are dressing them so they are at the stage of being able to pull up their clothes after a nappy change etc. Be aware of the type of clothes you are buying for your child, make sure they are 'potty friendly', avoid buttons and zips as your small child will not be able to manage these just yet.
Encourage your child to tell you when they have done a wee or poo in their nappy. Also if you know they are doing something in their nappy talk to them about what they are doing - this will help to build their toileting vocabulary. Have a look in your local bookshop too, there are many wonderful children's books that you can use to help prepare your child for this task.
When should I start toilet training?
The simple answer is when your child is ready. There are some signs and behaviours that indicate that your child is ready for toilet training, check out Ready for Toilet Training for a complete list.
How long will it take?
Just when you begin toilet training you are bound to hear of another child who was trained within days. Beware of expecting such quick results. Toilet training can take months and there will be many setbacks along the way. If you start with the expectation that your child will be fully toilet trained within a week you may be very disappointed.
On a  poll conducted by RollerCoaster.ie we asked our visitors how long it took them to toilet train their child. It took 38% of parents over a month to toilet train their child, 26% of parents managed to toilet train their child in less than 1 month, 17% did so in 1 week while 19% did so in a few days.
These results show that while some lucky parents manage to toilet train their child in the space of a few days, for the majority of us toilet training took much longer! For (almost ) 40% it took longer than 1 month to get it right.
Should I train my son standing or sitting or both?
It is best to train your son in a sitting position first, as this will give him the opportunity to urinate and defecate at the same time. Also trying to train small boys in both positions can be confusing and may lead to trouble. If your son does not get enough time to sit on the toilet this could lead to constipation which can become a chronic problem very quickly.
When your son is confident and secure in the sitting position you can move on to the standing position. Remember though there is no rush here.
My friends disagree on the use of training pants, some say that I should use them others say no, what do you think?
Some children do treat training pants just like nappies. However, training pants can be very useful, toddlers will see that you put them on like underpants. When you are going out with your toddler who is in the process of toilet training, training pants can be a great backup especially if you are unsure about the availability of toilets where you are going.
For the first few months always take a change of clothes with you on outings, as accidents will happen
My child will happily use the potty for wees but will not do his poo in the potty or toilet, what can I do?
You may have found it easy to train your child to do their wees in the potty or toilet but they still want to do their poos in their nappy. The best approach here is to be patient and not put your child under pressure.
If you try to force your child to use the toilet or potty for their poos they may begin to stop themselves from doing them all together and this can easily lead to constipation. This in turn can lead to pain on passing faeces and set up a spiral of events that can lead to chronic constipation.
As you will already know its important to avoid power struggles with this age group - they invariable win! If you are finding that you and your child are struggling with this issue its best to take the pressure off and trust that your child will begin to use the toilet when they are ready. Praise any attempts and don't let them see your disappointment or frustration. They are probably struggling just as much as you are and need your encouragement and patience.
The best approach is to try and encourage your child to remain seated on the toilet or potty after doing their wee to see if anything else happens. Don't force the issue though. If they insist on using their nappy don't despair as they may not be ready yet to use the toilet. Let them use their nappy but maybe only in the bathroom and then flush the faeces down the toilet as usual and comment that they can use the toilet when they are ready. Giving you child a feeling of control over the process will help them.
I'm so angry with my child, they refuse to use the toilet of potty to do their poos when I know they are well capable of doing it properly.
This situation can be very frustrating for parents and can lead to conflict. Be careful if you find yourself getting angry or scolding your child because they are refusing to use the toilet to do their poos. If you become involved in a power struggle over this issue you will probably not succeed.
Toilet training requires the full cooperation of your child and if they feel that you are angry or disappointed with them they will lose their enthusiasm and motivation for toilet training.
If your child feels they are being nagged over this they may decide to refuse to cooperate at all and begin 'withholding' their poos which can quickly lead to constipation which will further compound your situation.
Patience and praise are needed here to help your child move on in their training.
My child loves her potty but seems to be fearful when I put her on the toilet - how can I help her?
Small children can feel very insecure on the normal sized toilet seat. Special Insert Toilet seats especially for small children are a great idea; these can be purchased in nursery shops. A small plastic stool is also very useful as then your child will be able to get up on the toilet easier and climb down on their own.
It can also be used to help your child reach the sink for hand washing, after each visit to the bathroom.
Some children are fascinated by a flushing toilet while others are scared by it so you will need to be sensitive to your child.
My toddler is fascinated with his faeces, wanting to show it off and not letting me flush the toilet until his dad comes home from work so he will be able to see it, is this normal?
Toddlers have not yet learnt that urine and faeces are not hygienic to handle and investigate! This curiosity is normal and you need to be careful not to frighten your child by your reactions to their urine or faeces. Your son is very proud of what he has produced and while you need to teach him that he shouldn't touch or play with it you need to beware of deflating his pride over it.
Praise is one of the most important aids a parent has in this process and leaving it so the other parent can praise the child for their achievement is a great way of helping your child remain motivated.
I know my child wants to go but she doesn't listen to me when I remind her and end up with wet panties that need changing, any suggestions?
Beware of nagging your child about using the potty or toilet. If your child feels they are being constantly nagged about going to the potty they may become quite negative about it.
Time your reminders well, for instance reminding your toddler about using the toilet just as she sits down to play with a favourite toy is doomed to failure. Instead of reminding them her to use the tiolet how about making it into a game. Pretend you want to use the toilet and you can have a race to see who gets there first. This can work a treat except of course when you really do need to go!
Should I use a Potty at all as my child is happy using the toilet?
This will depend on your situation, but especially in the early days a potty can be invaluable, as it is so portable and easy to access. If your child is happy to use the toilet there is no rule that says you have to use a potty. The best rule of thumb is to do what suits your child best.
Anne O' Connor B.A. M.App.Sci.
Child Clinical Psychologist
Anne is a Child Clinical Psychologist and is the founder of RollerCoaster.ie. Anne holds a B.A. in Psychology and a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology and a further Masters Degree in Applied Behaviour Analysis.
In her clinical practice, Anne specialises in psychological services to young children with developmental delay including autism. Anne also runs a preschool behaviour clinic, which helps parents manage preschool behaviour problems such as sleep problems, feeding problems, aggression etc.