Dec 12, 2009 10:24 PM
My 6 1/2 year old son has started throwing major temper tantrums and fits when he doesn't get his way. He screams, kicks, throws himself to the ground/floor, and cries. We have tried ignoring him, putting him in his room with the door shut until he calms down, taking privileges away, rewarding positive behavior and days....not much seems to be working. It doesn't help that grandparents and aunts/uncles tell me that I am being too hard when we discipline the negative behavior and that by removing privileges we are punishing others and not just him. I feel like I am at a loss. My husband and I are stressed and can't figure this kid out. We are sure that he will grow out of this eventually but how do you teach him that it's okay to be upset, and cry even, when things don't happen the way you'd like but you can't throw a fit and try to get your way? How do you tell grandparents to step back and let you raise your child? How do you deal? It's bad enough that my 4 year old, when asked by his pre-k teacher "What do you do the night before Christmas", answered her with "I water the tree and ** is throwing a fit and crying. He's not getting any presents." While that's funny it shows me that my youngest realizes that this behavior is not good. Why can't my 6 year old?
I too have a six-year-old, and so I completely understand. I often wonder how situations just like the one you've described with your own son (and one I've had many times with my daughter) can make me feel at such a loss. I read another moderator's post yesterday, and in it she commented that Kevin Leman is known for quoting, "He has seen the enemy, and they are small." LOL
In your post, you indicated that he has just now started throwing these irrational temper tantrums. How recent? I'm asking, because I wonder if there has been some change in his life that, while it might look minor from an outsider, he is not coping with well. On the flip side, he might just be going through a stage like my daughter. She's testing some boundaries, because in her mind, she thinks she's more grown up than she is.
If you don't think there is anything going on that might be driving his behavior, there are a few things I looked up to see if they might be helpful. It sounds like you've tried quite a few consequences, so these may or may not be of use. However, from one mom to another, everything is worth mentioning if there is a chance it will help restore some peace. That said, check them out when you can.
As for the pressures you are feeling from family members, it might be good to speak with one of our counselors .  They may have some great ideas about standing your ground regarding the discipline of your son while protecting those precious relationships with your relatives.  Give them a call - o.k?
I'm praying for you, tyandnoahsmom. Let us know how you are doing. And to the rest of the community out there - any advice for her? I'm thinking that the two of us aren't the only ones who have had to deal with this.
Hi!! I am going through this with my my 5 year old son. This is actually the reason I joined FOTF community to try to seek some help. I am at my wits end right now. He whines about everything and just starts to stomp his feet when he does not get his way. A couple of weeks ago I printed off a free behavior chart online. It has a place where you can list 5 different things that they need to work on. Instead of writing in what they needed to work on, I googled some pictures of the things. For instance, a baby crying (no whining), a picture of an ear (to listen), a toothbrush, a dirty clothes basket (put your clothes in the dirty clothes not on the floor) and a clean toy room. I wanted them to visualize the rules. Plus my 3 year old can't read. Every night before I tuck them in I give out stickers for the ones that they do a good job at. Once they get 20 stickers they get to pick something out of the treasure box. I have coupons in the treasure box for things like free milkshake or happy meal or go to the library. Things like that. This has actually helped a lot. I think he has whined so much that it is just a habit that I have to break. I don't think he realizes he is doing it most of the time.
I am also struggling with him not listening to me. I really don't think he hears what I say. I feel he is so focused on what he is upset about that he truly does not hear me. It's like when a grown man is watching tv and they are so into what they are watching, you can walk in front of them and they never see you. I don't know how to calm him down and make him focus on me and what I'm asking of him. To make this situation worse, my husband is just like him and is very quick to get just as upset. At 5 1/2 years old he has learned a lot of this behavior from his father. My husband is now realizing that his boys are learning this from watching him. He has become aware of it and is doing a great job at controlling his emotions when he is disciplining now. I just don't know how to make my child stop getting so upset. I was told to read Bringing up Boys by James Dobson.  I'm going to go get that book next week and see if it helps.