Q: We just bought a new computer and are hooked up to the internet system. Our kids, 15 and 12, want to be on it all the time. They are always fighting over it. I am also concerned about the chat rooms they like to be on. What sort of families guidelines should we set so that everyone gets to use it, and in an appropriate manner?
A: Parents have both the right and responsibility, to supervise their children's activities. Parents also need to judge what is appropriate and inappropriate for their children at different ages. And this applies to the use of home computers. There is no magic answer for this problem, unless you resort to locking up the computer in a room, which in most homes is unreasonable. And unfortunately, few computers come with an on-off key, which they should have, like televisions sets have in Europe.
Families with young children are hesitant to get onto the internet because there is so much pornographic and violence-oriented material on it. You can subscribe to various screening services, which block out pornographic websites. But, I am not sure if the same exists for violence - oriented sites (eg. instructions for making bombs, etc).Here are some tactics for dealing with children and youth and computers.
Have a family logbook. This both monitors the amount each person is on-log, or using the computer, and also can act as a pre-booking method, within definite limitations, which may cut down on sibling rivalry. Out of fairness, adults should log on and off as well. Check with your computer store. There may be a software program available to do this, together with logging on codes.
Chores and homework come first, before the computer is used, the same kinds of rules that usually apply to television. That's where the logbook helps. Also, the same can apply to their share of chores around their home. Not done in time. No computer time until they are done.
Get them to note whether they are researching school work, playing games, or just having fun with pen-pals on the chat sites. Used properly, the internet can be immensely useful for doing school projects and assignments. It's also great for skill games like chess. My brother-in-law is currently playing several chess games with people from all over the world.
As parents, you have the right to allocate (or ration) the amount of time your youth can spend on television, recreation and socializing, as opposed to household chores or homework. Advise them that their use of the computer has to fit into that available time frame. This is important since some kids may spend too much time on the computer and less time socializing.
If parents decide to acknowledge a child's effort at school, and by this I mean "good marks" within the reasonable expectation of each child's personal capability, then extra computer time might be an appropriate reward for good achievement at school.
Unless you are on a high-speed modem, your telephone line is tied up when the computer is on-line, so the same house rules about phone use may have to apply to the computer. Have the same rules for chat-line contacts, as you would have for any other young people they might meet in their community. Insist that they consult with you before they give out phone numbers or addresses to anyone.
And, as a parent, for their protection, you may insist that if they are going to personally meet anyone they meet on the net, you want them to meet their friend, right at home, with a parent present as might happen on any other date they might arrange through school or other contacts.
Kids can get carried away on the very fancy, and often expensive computer games. Since the more complicated ones usually need to be installed on your computer, you can easily ration each child to only one of two of these. Not only will it keep computer storage space open, but it will force them to choose more carefully.
If you wonder if your kids are manipulating the rules, most computers allow you to check on the last half dozen programs web sites contacted.
I have two adult children in my home, and also a computer. Arguments over the computer do occur. My best way to handle this is to ground them BOTH, if they can't agree peacefully to a satisfactory schedule. I avoid their problem becoming my problem by just turning off the computer. The key in having a home computer is for the home to be in charge of the computer, not the reverse.