Q. Every time my wife or I get on the phone our two-year-old son seems to get into trouble. What do we do?
A. Even pre-schoolers seem to know the ideal time to get into mischief. Your son knows that when you are on the phone you can't keep an eye on what he is doing in another room. The solution is to buy a quality portable phone that has a long range. With your portable you can keep track of your son anywhere in the house while you are on the phone. With one of the new 900 MHz. portables you can keep track of your son in the backyard, or even if he is halfway down the street. Although the 900 MHz. phones are still expensive, you will probably find it a good investment as the range of your son's activities expands over the next few years. Discount stores like Sam's now carry the 900 MHz. phones. Searching for a baby shower present for new parents? A portable phone would make an excellent gift.
Q. Help! We have an extremely strong-willed four-year-old daughter. She says to my wife, "I'm the boss." Even though I follow the advice in your Child Training and Discipline tapes she still persists in her stubborn disobedience. Our other two children were never like this. Quite frankly, my wife and I are concerned with her eternal salvation.
A. Parents can easily panic when they encounter their first strong-willed child (not necessarily the firstborn). Like a ship's captain in rough seas, a parent of a strong-willed child needs a cool head, a steady hand, and a contagious confidence that you are going to safely make it to port. I recommend that you calmly follow the basic principles I outline in the Child Training and Discipline tapes. With a strong-willed child you will just need to carry them out more often than with a compliant child. Strong-willed children need both extra love and extra discipline. Try to keep these in balance, while your daughter tries your patience.
The most necessary ingredient for parents of strong-willed children is an expectant faith and positive vision for their child. Don't give up hope on your daughter. Your confidence will eventually be caught by her. Strong-willed children, who eventually submit their wills to God, often develop into strong spiritual leaders and the type of Christian willing to stand up against evil. In contrast, compliant children can be deceptively easy to parent in the early years and then shock their parents with an unexpected rebellious streak in their teens, or twenties. With a strong-willed child you just get the parental challenges early and in concentrated doses.
I was one of the strongest-willed children ever to walk the face of the earth. As one who gave his mother and father scores of Excedrin-sized headaches, I urge you to "stay the course" with your daughter. Give her your consistent and loving discipline coupled with your constant prayers.
At times you and your wife may find yourselves in a "valley of despair" because of your strong-willed child. During such times it would be wise to have a few close friends pray for you. If you are a member of a men's small group, then their prayer support is a tangible way they can support your parenting. If things reach panic proportions and you don't have friends for prayer support, call the Family Life Center to place a prayer request with us. God's grace is abundant for every type of person, even strong-willed four-year-olds.
Q. Despite my good intentions, I find myself slacking off from my duties in disciplining my children. Any suggestions on how I can maintain my consistency?
A. Most fathers have struggles in maintaining discipline with their children. I would suggest having periodic Parental Pow Wows with your wife, especially when you feel yourself slacking. A Parental Pow Wow is shorthand for a parents' strategy meeting. Schedule a private time with your wife. Share with each other the areas in which your children require improvement, demand immediate attention, etc. Together develop a workable plan to focus on the most needed areas. Rather than trying to accomplish everything at once, it is wise to select one or two problems you desire to correct and one or two virtues you want to encourage.
Schedule a Parental Pow Wow anytime you need one, but it is wise to have them at certain key times during the year. As homeschooling parents, Karen and I have found it especially helpful to have Parental Pow Wows before the school year begins, before January 1st, and before school is over in the spring.
Q. Do you have any tips for a new homeschool dad?
A. The chief reason for homeschool burnout is a lack of discipline. Dads should assume the primary responsibility of dealing with discipline problems in the homeschool. If your work allows you to receive family calls during business hours, then invite your wife to call when significant discipline problems occur. It is amazing how a three minute call to the "homeschool principal" can correct problems. Such calls are particularly helpful during the first few weeks of each school year.