Girls at Risk
Parent Forum
Share what you've learned so far from the Generation Gap with other parents.
Welcome to Parent-to-Parent! TheAntiDrug.com would like to invite you to share what you've learned about your teen and your teen's world based on the Action Item exercises. Your post will offer other parents the opportunity to learn from what you've seen, and provide new insights into the teen world.
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Parent Feedback
notsurprised mom, Lakeland, FL , 2/9/2010 4:00:47 PM We have told our child that certain things that are taken away will not be given back until a drug test is done that is negative. In a later conversation with one parent it was stated that the test issue causes more stress and depression, both issues have always been there. Our child said give me 3 weeks to prove to you that I can bring my grades up and do what I should but please stop with the drug tests, if I mess up then do what you want. So just what do we do?
ScaredMom, Bismarck, ND , 2/9/2010 3:59:44 PM My daughter started going down hill over the last 3 years. I suspect that's when she started using weed. She comes from an intelligent family, yet her grades were average or below. When she was 16 she got caught with weed. Her senior year she held a part time job, but was often sick, and missed a lot of school. I got calls from school saying she didn't show up, or just up and left with another friend. I was so happy when she graduated. We were happy to get her into college, but she dropped out after one semester. Found out she was failing anyway. She doesn't want to spend any time with her family or extended family. She has attempted many times to quit smoking, but always goes back. Says she needs something for her stress. She refuses to quit and wants to go off to some state where it is legal to take it for her "stress" and grow it and sell it legally. She has also took Valium that she says she got from a friend! I told her that some day she will get caught, but she says she never will. We offered rehab, but she won't do it. She is 18 so I can ask her to leave, but I don't know where she will go. I'm scared for her. Help me!
Mimi, CA , 11/4/2009 11:32:26 AM This is a reply to Jack Herrer, Baked, AL. Hi Jack, I hope all is still well with your son. I don't know how he old is. Be careful though. Senior year, last trimester everything changes. Drop of athletic activities, grades go down.. I have heard--as I am sure many other parents-that "I know what I am doing", "I have it under control", "it's not a big deal", "I ONLY DO IT ON WEEKENDS"... Be alert. Wishing you all the best, Mimi
Honor Roll student expelled, Joliet, IL , 10/5/2009 5:33:30 PM My second oldest son is 13(Rogelio) was introduced to marijuana by his oldest brother that comes to visit once or twice a month. I didn't really talk to Rogelio about drugs because of his love for education. Has been an honor rolls students for the past 5 years now in 8th gr was asked by the principal of the academy if he had had marijuana and sold some to his friends his reply was yes because he dosen't lie. He is facing and expulsiong from school and we have to meet with the board. I have my son learning about the drug and am learning myself, we talk alot about it and get as much information on website as possible. Now we have to wait for the boards decision, but I have more younger children that we can use our experience on and help them as well. I pray that the board lets him come back but if not we both learned. Rocha
Karla, WA , 5/15/2009 2:27:27 PM My 14 year old daughter started a new school this year and through out the year has been making new friends. We've met some of them, and typically try to get her to have them here so we can get a sense of who they are. We've talked very openly about drug use and the dangers and our desire for her not to use. Well in the last couple of months, she's shared that people she knows have gotten suspended for using weed. It's been really painful for her, because she is really anti drugs. Last week she found out one of her close friends was suspended for using before school and then that her best friend was suspended for the rest of the year for selling! My daughter was completely shocked, because she didn't think they used, and she still believes her best friend doesn't use... I'm stuck. When a similar issue came up earlier this year with a friend, she basically let that friendship go because she doesn't approve. How can I help her. She's questioning her ability to make friends who make good decisions.
laura, richmond, KY , 4/21/2009 1:02:48 PM i have found out that drugs devastes families and this time it was mine my daughter fell in love with oxycontin user and then she chose to take up the drug when she was 22 she was my best freind and for over a year that started to fade quickly since then she married her pill man first of this year i havent seen her since been 4 months my life has been devasted i only no she is alive because people call or tell me they saw her she doesnt want me in her life anymore and the sad is she is my life i dont no what to do or not to do anymore someone have mecy on me an help me find a support group online i am very weary and desperate to save her life .. just cant believe it is in every family i went ot a meeting last night of drug s and alchhal and i saw that there was 100 girls so i new right away ther was 100 families that have been devasted and i never saw it coming before seh just lft my life .. so some one pleae help me to find someone to talk ot about this none of my freinds understand thank you laura
Beth, Chicago, IL , 4/21/2009 1:02:02 PM My 17 year old son is in his 3rd week of a 28 day rehab program for weed use. We are in the midst of working together on a contract for when he gets out and figuring out how his school year won't be a total loss, etc. While he's been in rehab, I've been checking his cell phone for messages and texts. Last week he had a txt from someone I don't know saying n so many words that he had a good shipment coming in and to let him know how much he wanted. Of course I will delete this and other suspicious messages. My question is this: how should we handle the use of his cell phone when he gets out? Our contract says he won't get it back for a month, based on good behavior, but once he gets it back, what happens? He has dozens of contacts - most of them using friends, or acquaintences. Should we get him a new number? Delete all his contacts? Any experience or advice is welcome. Thanks!
karen, brockton, ME , 3/27/2009 11:35:49 AM Meagan my heart bleeds for you, My son is also a heroin addict, he has overdosed several times. once I had to revive him when the paramedics got here he had 2 heart beats a minute. He has stolen robbed and I am sure other things for this drug if it doesnt stop your heart it definately takes your life away. He was clean for 2 years I sent him to KY with my sister well he came back here and within 2 weeks was hooked again. I had him arrested for stealing, at least this way I would know he would live for that amount of time. I lost a young cousin last July to heroin 21 years old. They need to help parents in the fight against this killing drug and stop selling needles without a prescription. I am sorry for your loss and I pray for your recovery
MOTHER OF A TEENAGE USER, EAST BAY, CA , 3/27/2009 11:35:10 AM MY BEAUTIFUL SON IS COMING HOME AFTER 11 MONTHS IN A DRUG/ALCOHOL TREATMENT FACILITY. HE'S 14 YRS OLD. I'M SCARED. I'VE CHANGED. I HAVE A PLAN. A CONTRACT HE AGREED TO. KIDS NEED CONSEQENCES FOR BAD BEHAVIOR OR THEY DIE. I LOVE MY SON MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. GET YOUR CHILDREN IN TREATMENT. IT'S EASIER THAN VISITING THEM IN JAIL OR AT THE MORGUE.
lirbrts1, Ballston Spa, NY , 1/28/2009 3:28:13 PM I figured out all the texting terms accept CYO and just figured out what &lt;3 means. Anyone want to fill me in on the CYO? Thanks
lirbrts, Ballston Sa, NY , 1/28/2009 3:24:42 PM Hi, I just learned about this website in a rage of trying to find out about home drug tests. I recently found out that my son has been smoking pot and I confronted him on it. He willingly admitted to it and insisted that it's NO BIG DEAL. I tried to explain that everyone that has an addiction says its not a big deal and they have it under control, and most often its worse a problem than they think. At first I went through denial, then I started feeling guilty like I hadnt done my job as a parent, then I was scared, and THEN I got really angry. I was afraid to lay down the law and demand he live by my house rules untill I got angry. Nobody wants to admit that their child is a pothead, but denying it is only showing your child that you dont care enought to keep on him/her about their using and making bad choices, which leads to worse problems. So I did the first phase of the download and watched some youtube videos. I had already seen one that I found on my son's computer showing how to make a pen pipe, which made sense as to why I found several gutted pens and foil in his underwear drawer! You can watch anything on youtube!!!!! I'm kinda outraged by it.
Jack Herrer, Baked, AL , 1/28/2009 3:24:32 PM I recently found a glass pipe on his dresser that had marijuana resin on it. I confronted him about it. I told him how it is bad for you. He told me he only smokes on the weekends and about 2-4 times a month. He promised me that he would never smoke during school and during when he is supposed to be doing homework. His grades have never been better as well as his athletics record. If he can keep those up and use marijuana responsibly and moderately, I don't see why he shouldn't be able to.
rue, MA , 1/28/2009 3:21:10 PM after 6 yrs dealing with addiction to opiates, finally found a program for my son. He was detoxed for 48 hrs and then put into an intensive outpt program for group counseling and teaching. he has been prescribed Soboxone with this tx. He has no insurance. The cost 85-100$ per week. I was skeptical of the drug, but after seeing the results in my son's daily behaviors, I am relieved to have found this program. It allows him to work, have friends and not have the HIGHS and LOWS of that the opiates created in his life. I am now beginning to plan and start up an 'affected others' group. Any advice would be helpful. I live in northern Rural maine with little to no resources. Thanks, ru
Misses, davenport, FL , 1/28/2009 3:11:55 PM I have found out that most teens need boundry's and, goals to look forward too and try and help your teen discover there abillity to become young men/and women. My son is a good kid but tends to git mixed up with the rong people.teens will learn to make better choices but, it will just take them some time.
Helpless, Louisville, KY , 1/28/2009 3:10:48 PM My Step-son is 17 years old and has some serious problems! He Smokes POT, Pops Pills, and Drinks. He has recently gotten caught taking his grandmothers car and he doesn't even have a permit/license. The problem is that in the state of Kentucky, teens age 16 and older have to voluntarily sign themselves up for Drug/Alcohol Rehab. Parents can't seek treatment for them. His Mother has had drug problems herself and recognized the sign immediately. She is the one who brought it to my husband and my attention. She thinks that it is just a matter of time until he does something that could ruin the rest of his life! He hasn't been in legal trouble for drugs or alcohol.....yet, if he had the courts could force him to seek treatment but us as the parents can't!!!!!. Our rights as parents have been violated, We know he needs treatment but of course he doesn't think he has a problem. He will never voluntarily get treatment. He does not care what other people think of him, nor does he have remorse for any of his actions. It is very scary! This is the most rediculous law I have ever heard of. Why do our laws make it incredibly difficult to be a parent?
patrice, bakerfield, CA , 1/28/2009 3:09:44 PM my son is 16 1/2 , we are open with our son NOW that we found out he was smoking pot and cigs.We always talked about drugs . I have been around enough to know the signs ,thank god, when i was a teen.You don't tell them though,they will say you did and turned out fine ,!Yes I survived but I will not allow my son to make my mistakes.I test him now he has been clean for 5 mo.,he was open enough to me about xanax 2 x he said it helps with his adhd odd.He is taking aderall perscribed by Dr.now ,no xanax,I told him nothing that is not perscribed for him ,he agreed ,so far aderall has helped at home and school.We are close and he knows he can tell me anything ,I might get mad but I will love him he knows! Last night he was with a friend that I love but the two together are wild both adhd,my son tried showing me a picture on his phone i couldn't figure it out ,he said his friend made him pass out buy the throat and he laughed.I was in shock and he knew it!!What the #!I was worried about drugs?Now he tells me we only did it once ,I laid into him like never and cried and he felt soo bad and said he would never do it again, I'm still in shock and looking for help.!Any advise?i'm checking!
ayesha , 9/10/2008 11:39:35 AM Trust is important with kids and answering questions honestly but at a level that is appropriate for them
i didn't know , 8/13/2008 11:09:40 AM i let my son go to the ymca after school with his friends, i knew he had got drunk, but that was only one time. so now i see these two guys talking to my son, two of his three friends, and some girls. so when he walked away and got in to the car, i ask him "wheres ur other friend?" he told me he they don't hang out that much. so i talk to his mom and she said "well all my boy will say about it it he doesn't wont to hang out with people who do drugs." at that secant i know she was right. now had do i tell him i know what he is doing. do i help him or get mad.
Suzonne , Champaign, IL , 8/13/2008 11:09:14 AM My last posting was dated 7/23/08. My 27 year old son has been and addict since he was 14-15. It started with "smoking weed" and progressed from there. I am convinced there is nothing that he won't do. He was kicked out of the rehab program I wrote about 2 weeks ago. This makes a total of at least 3 rehab facilities that he has been expelled from. These are the ones I know about! Last night when we talked on the phone he launched a verbal attack, blaming me for how his life has turned out. I realize it is a step backwards to experience self doubt in this situation. He is my first born and I did my very best. His two younger sisters are in college and destined for better things in life. I will continue to pray that this burden is lifted. I will continue to pray that he does the same.
teufelhundenmom, Lincoln Park, MI , 7/23/2008 5:56:39 PM My 17 year old son is totally disrespectful of my rules. What makes it worse is that my mother (we share a home) constantly undermines my authority. I tell him one thing and she tells him that he doesn't have to do it. I have caught him and his friends drinking and smoking pot on several occasions and attempt to ground him, but he will not abide my consequences. I found a glass pipe hidden in the basement, pot hidden in his room, and bottles of booze up in the basement cieling. I don't care if I'm viewed as a stalker, I don't want to be one of these parents who wish they would've been more vigilant (and yeah, some don't care what their kids do). My son failed every class last trimester and then worked and earned enough money to pay for summer school, so now he thinks he deserves some kind of medal. Well, bully for you, I say, but you shouldn't have failed anyway. His best pal was kicked out of school for being drunk. Trust is gone. His brother joined USMC last year and they were very close. He's extremely intelligent and can virtually undo any argument about the dangers of marijuana. Especially given my very low credibility rating. Let go and let God, right?
debi, dallas, TX , 7/23/2008 5:55:31 PM I have a 17 year old son. He was recently caught with pot in his pocket while shoplifting. He spent a night in jail. This was 3 weeks ago. I bailed him out of jail and grounded him. I just don't know how long to keep him grounded. I don't feel safe letting him go out yet. Of course he feels I'm unfair. He feels his punishment will be dealt out by the state.
northern lights, toronto, TN , 7/23/2008 5:54:58 PM I read with great interest the problems we us parents face, I am a Canadian living in a small community. My husband and I chose to raise our two sons aged 16 and 18 outside in a smaller community where we would be able to monitor and offer them a nice quality of life. I even gave up my career to be a stay home mom for the most part. Despite so many sacrifices and so much I personally as a mother gae to these two boys they still got into the pot smoking and did try mushrooms. Lucky the younger one tried it and soon realized it was not for him,whereas the older one is basically obscessed with weed and although he says he will quit when he wants to I think he is addicted to that garbage. The point I want to make here is that yes there is some bad parenting out there but from my exprerience weed is an addictive substance and for the most part parents should not just leave it up to the schools or the local police to educate them. All these programs indeed have failed my kids and I am sure many others.In my opnion parents across Canada and USA should make volunteer action groups and start strong anti drug educational programs. We are all too complacent against the enemy.......Regards
Suzonne, Champaign, IL , 7/23/2008 5:54:14 PM My 27 year old son is in his 2nd month of rehab. His two previous stays in rehab didn't result in any permanent life changes. In a moment of candor he admitted to smoking "weed" regularly at the age of 14. He told me yesterday that he still "craves" it. He also admitted other additions that he believes all started with his marajuana use. During his 13 years of addiction he committed a felony crime and escaped another which involved my 20 year old niece. She died suddenly 4 weeks ago and was an admitted addict herself. The guy from OKC who wrote in Nov. 07 has some great advice.
timelord, Los Gatos, CA , 6/25/2008 4:53:00 PM To trustinginGod and others: trust is important with kids and answering questions honestly but at a level that is appropriate for them. Often answering a question with "Why do you want to know that?" is good for the younger, 4-9 age group. Just discuss for older kids. The important point is:
Trust, but verify!
chris, lonwood, FL , 5/30/2008 12:01:24 PM To Katherine, I would check out the glass 'tobocco pipe'. Sounds like a marijuana pipe to me.
Anny , 5/30/2008 11:59:55 AM My younger brother died from smoking marijuana.
My brother was a nice kid, decent friends, decent looks, etc. He never got into any trouble. But one day, he decided to go to one of those house parties he dreamed about. So he did. There was marijuana at the party. He was pressured into doing it by his "friends". Eventually he gives in and does 1 puff. But his friends didn't think that was enough. They made him smoke the entire joint. By the time they were done with him, he had smoke 13 joints.
At this point, he began foaming at the mouth and spasming uncontrolably. His "friends" let him lay there for 10minutes before calling 9-11. When the paramedics arrived, it was too late. During the Autopsy, they discovered he had 3 times the lethal dosage of THC*in his body.
katherine57, salt lake, UT , 5/2/2008 5:02:27 PM It was tough finding out about my 17 year old son's tobacco use. We've always told him about the dangers of drugs and smoking. I was devastated when I found the glass tobacco pipe in his room that is apparently all the rage with his friends. During our talk with him he broke down in tears. It broke my heart but just in talking we were able to re-establish our trust. I can only imagine how hard it must be for a parent to find out their child has a serious drug problem.
Has anyone else had a bad experience finding out about tobacco use?
megan.s, ludlow, KY , 5/2/2008 5:00:52 PM For all of you parents who think weed is not the starter it is. my 19 year old is not with me any more as a result of a heroine overdose 4 weeks ago. she was a straight a student who was beautiful and popular. she went from weed to coke to oxys to heroine to shooting up. i put her in rehab 2 times and jail. do what ever you find necessarry to monitor their behavior. i found her in her bedroom with a needle in her arm dead and i wouldnt wish this to happen to any one else.
fortwent tee, tokinsville, DC , 5/2/2008 5:00:08 PM I am a single parent. My son recently overdosed on marijuana. I remember him telling me it was impossible to overdose, but one day i found him blue with a marijuana cigarette (joint) in his had. please tell you children about the dangers of the "soft" drug.
psstmom, Gibsonia, PA , 3/18/2008 3:52:12 PM Let me make this as short as I can. We have 4 children. Never had any trouble with the oldest two. Our 20-year-old daughter has been addicted to drugs - crack cocaine since 13 and then heroine. She started with marajuana. We haden't a clue. Thought her behavior and personality change was due to depression. We discovered she was an addict when she tried to commit suicide at 14, was in the hospital and had a blood test. She's been in and out of rehabs., dropped out of school, had trouble with the law and is on probation. She finally got her GED. Our family has been through hell and back with her. She ran away for a month in Jan. we thought she died. She had a real bad experience and fortunately, got herself checked into rehab. She's living in a half-way house. She wants to stay clean, but being an addict is difficult. She's started over many times trying to quit drugs. We are caring, loving, concerned parents who thought we knew her, knew what she was doing, knew her friends. What a shock. The problem was we trusted her. Kids can be so good at lying and covering things up. We found out the hard way. A great web site is gopsst.org. PSST-Parent Survival Skills Training.
Carimar, Salem, OR , 3/18/2008 3:46:39 PM My son is 16 years old and in the last 2 1/2 years have changed 100%. He does not care for school academics but loves his friends. My main concern is that he has turned into a very disrespectful teen, not just with teachers, but also with me, calling me "Stupid", throwing chairs, breaking doors down, and coming and going as he pleases when confronted. I come from a culture where disrespect to parents is close to a sin. I consider myself a good mom and the sole provider of morals, education, material needs, and nurturing. I feel hurt my child is corresponding to my efforts in this way. Furthermore, I am feeling scare of him, but I am concious that I can not let him rule the house. My solucion is to send him to live with his father after the school year is over. Maybe that way he will appreciate all the priviledges he had. I also find myself emotionally exhausted and physically worried about his future and the choices he's making. However, I feel lost in how to proceed. I do not know if he is on drugs, but my friends say its a possibility, specially due to his violence and anger. Any advise?
Mike, LA , 3/18/2008 3:43:12 PM I found my son using marijuana. I love him to death, and I want to tell him of dangerous marijuana is. I found alot of useful information online, but I can not find how many people die annually from a marijuana overdose. Can anyone help me? Thanks all.
God Bless
tony, schaumburg, IL , 3/18/2008 3:42:31 PM i dont think there is anything wrong with weed and if my kid smokes weed an gets straight A's and playes football but if he ever tried anything else i would send him to rehab but i think you should just show your kid what will happen if they use hard drugs and they wont use them if you do that
Louise, Portage, IN , 3/18/2008 3:42:03 PM I am at a loss with our 15 year old son. He tested positive for weed last spring.I talked to the parents of the boys who he hangs around with, these are kids he has known since elemenatry school to let them know that he has tested positive for marijuana and keep an eye out. They had shunned him and us,until their boys were caught. We have grounded him, taken away cell phone, mp3 player, downgraded cable to basic I mean basic cable, limited time on internet with blocking web sites, the music he listens to is horrible. (All about getting high and the language is horrific) We have always had open family discussions about any type of drug, also being respectful, responsible and productive, he still has this obsession with marijuana. We also have him in counseling, family counseling, he will not speak to the counselor, or very limited communication. Basically his right and we are all wrong. This has been an on going since may, 2007.
Michelle, Ramsey, MN , 3/18/2008 3:40:06 PM My 16 year old is an addict. I know he smokes pot, has done E, Triple C, drank alcohol. He has been in 2 residential treatment facilites. His father in the beginning of Jan asked for him to come live at our house because he was out of control and not following rules. He is failing school, does not want to follow rules at my house, failing U.A.'s. He is a pleasant kid for the most part, disburbingly quiet, please help!!!!???
Justwannadotherightthing, Savannah, GA , 3/18/2008 3:39:26 PM I have a 17-year old daughter who seems to have a self-esteem problem despite all the efforts we have made to let her know that she is smart, beautiful, and very much loved. Her father and I never married and he didn't have a lot to do with her until a few years ago. He has expressed his sorrow in not being more involved when she was younger. Although now this is a nice gesture, the damage is done. She has a boyfriend that has his own set of problems, (his father was an alcoholic who committed suicide when he was 9 and may have been bi-polar - I believe this boy may also be bi-polar but has never been diagnosed). I do not understand why she is so attached to him. (Maybe because he is her first "love"). She is a beautiful girl and tries to bend-over backwards to keep this boy from leaving her. She could have any boy she wants (but if she keeps on, no one will have her because she lets this guy bring her down). I know for a fact that my daughter does not approve of drugs. I also know that her boyfriend and his friends use drugs and I am afraid she will cave in to the pressure in order to keep him. (If she can't beat 'em, I'm afraid she will join 'em.) Any help on this?
Maria, Atascadero, CA , 2/28/2008 5:49:27 PM I have seen the entire pattern of my life with my daughter contained in these comments. I am the mother of a 14 year old who is addicted to pot and pills and doesn't see anything wrong with it other than she keeps getting caught. With that has come shoplifting, ditching and a drop in grades. This morning I decided that our school district needs a parent support group. That is how I came upon this website. Let me express some concerns about what I've read. Open communication is a great placebo. Kids lie - either directly or by omission. Don't be afraid to spy if you suspect something-you may save your child. Their friends are a big concern-if you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. Boarding school is not the answer. I know, I went to one and lived around girls who were into drugs. Finally, kids hate to have their activities exposed to family and they hate it when parents get together and compare notes. Talk with parents of their friends. Let your kids know that you do. Keep family members alerted to what's going on. Let your kids know that you do. Educate yourself. Pull your head out of the sand. Mostly, let your child know that he/she is loved no matter what.
Whitewater Parenting, Raleigh, NC , 2/28/2008 5:47:46 PM my son has acknowledged that he smoked pot. I need recommendations about the best home drug test to use. He knows he is going to be randomly tested. Also, how to deal with this dilemma: I know he has smoked pot in the last 30 days and THC stays in the blood that long. How do I know whether he's smoked it more recently than that? Seeking education.
kthynggn , 2/28/2008 5:47:24 PM Gwomambo, 7/10/2007 6:03:22 PM Explicit videos &amp; video games is definitely one of those areas of concern for me, so much so that we don't allow MTV or VH1 in our house...
That, along with the rest of the post, is much more appropriate than much of what I have seen...
Jovansmom, Bullhead City , AZ , 2/11/2008 5:36:24 PM I realize this is basically an anti drug forum, but while this is not based solely on drugs we believe drugs are in the mix. My son is a good 15 year old boy. The only sport he likes is BMX Biking. He has spent all his allowance and present money on his bikes. Last year 3 boys in his 8th grade class stole his bike and that of a friend who's bike was chained to my sons at school. The boys were charged, prosecuted and got some "type" of a sentenance. We have since found out that one or more of the boys uses marijuana. My son is so angry he can't put this behind him. And I have done everything I can to help him. He (through his wonderful grandmother) got a new bike immediately. I've been pretty ill since August and we really need him to have a bike. I've tried to get him to talk to someone (like a therapist or counselor) but he doesn't want to nor sees the sense in it. Unfortunately at this time we are a LOW income family (due to the illness). So finding someone to help in this area is tough, well someone we can afford. Anyone have any ideas on what I can do to help him with his anger. It's affected his school work and just his whole life this year.
Momof2, Austin, TX , 2/11/2008 5:35:38 PM I have 2 daughters who are 8 and 6. There is no off limits subject in our home. If they have questions, I am going to answer them. Period. My girls also know that they can come to me about anything, and already have. Yes, drugs. Yes, my 8 yr old asked about sex, babies and her upcoming menstral cycle. I allow my girls some privacy, but I reserve the right to ask questions. the main problem I see with American families at this time, is that money is short for everyone and more often than not both parents work. So who's raising our kids? I'm a working mom, but every hour of everyday I know where my kids are. That won't stop until they no longer live in my home. I am Mom and I am the best friend they are going to have, whether they know that yet or not. Hopefully when they are older they'll see that.
Lee, Naperville, IL , 2/11/2008 5:34:23 PM To Dana in Toronto,
This is my first time on this anti-drug site, and I address you because my daughter sounds like your daughter. She's 16, drinking and smoking weed. She recently got a DUI (her first trouble with the law) and says she's really scared now and will never drink again. We're thinking about sending her to boarding school out of this area, so she can break with her destructive friends, but the disruption to our family would be massive, and I'm afraid she'll just find a new set of friends who are as bad. Besides, wouldn't she be even less supervised online if she's at boarding school? And online, she can keep the bad friendships she has now, even if she's out of the area. I don't want to choose a school for troubled kids because that would define her even further as a bad kid. I need to take the right kind of action.
allensos, wilmington, DE , 2/11/2008 5:32:27 PM for everyone dealing with a child with a substance abuse problem I recommend reading the book DOPE/HELP. it is the story of a young girls struggle with addiction.Erin's mother, Marie Allen, took Erin's diary and used it as a basis for Erin's memoir, Dope Help, a poignant, heart-rending, emotional account of Erin's addiction, struggle, successful rehabilitations and collapse. Marie's dialog of her daughter's journey must be read even if you think you understand addiction. You probably don't.
Been there, Atlanta, IA , 1/8/2008 9:58:15 AM Every day I check the obituarties in our paper to see if another young person has died from a drug overdose. Our city and surrounding neighborhoods are inundated with opiates -- oxycontin and heroin specifically -- and nothing much is being done to stem the tide. Today, in fact, there is a funeral at one of the local mega churches for a handsome 18-yr-old high school senior. I'm sure it will be packed. I didn't know him, but I wish I could be there to share the grief with his family, a grief I've been preparing to endure myself for several years. My own son is now 22, a recovering addict, and there for the grace of God, go I. I have prepared myself many times to have the police show up at my door to tell me he's been found dead. He is now working hard to stay sober. He has finally gotten the message -- I hope. We went through every stage with him, including several trips to rehab. We spent our retirement on what insurance didn't cover. I knew about his drug use and fought hard -- calling in experts at every step. But there was nothing I could do to make him stop until he decided it was time. I pray every day that he will live to rebuild the life he gave up to drugs.
Chezreid, Sacramento, CA , 1/8/2008 9:57:32 AM As a parent who took action at Stage 2 (therapy, then rehab) and ended up in Stage 3 anyway (our son turned 15 at a school for troubled teens in Utah and has been there almost 10 months), I can add to this wonderful advice from my own mistakes. The more your teen protests and gets angry and defensive, the bigger the problem. All the classic signs you read about are spot on. Don't wait for your straight A student to bring home failing grades. If you see behavior changing radically, chances are very good he/she IS using. The trick is to catch the use before it progresses into full-blown addiction. And with today's uber strong weed and availability of scrips, that can happen oh so fast. Do not assume dabbling in a little beer and pot is anything like when we were teens. It's much more dangerous out there now, many teens are less mature than we were, and you are NOT being hypocritcal by saying ZERO TOLERANCE is our rule. Better strict now than sorry later!
Amazed..., NY , 1/8/2008 9:56:39 AM I am completely amazed at the amount of "spying" that occurs between parents and their children. If you are open with your children then they are more likely to be open with you; spying on them just increases the chances that they won't feel free to talk to you when they need to. I have a 17 year old daughter, I have never spied on her and never drilled her about where she was etc., and she feels free to talk to me when she needs to about her life and she always calls me from where she is to let me know, is always home on time and always lets me know who she is with. We have talked about sex, drugs and violence but she is into none of them and I feel that this because her mother and I have raised her to be trusting of us and to be respectful of herself and her mind. I can appreciate your efforts to protect your children but I think that allowing a child privacy allows them to be more open with you as they are not trying to keep control over what you don't know about
Monday , 1/8/2008 9:54:52 AM My son is 15 years old. He hates school and if he misses another day he will be expelled from school. I recently found traces of him smoking pot in the garage and some misc. items in his room. When I confronted him he blew up and hit a hole in the house. He then moved in with his dad, who used to smoke and sell pot and stated that he wants to live with him as there is less stress at his dad's house. He has sold most of his valuables for money - games for XBOX, guitar hero and his cell phone. I need some advice.....
One Tough Mom, Warren, MI , 1/8/2008 9:54:11 AM If you all haven't started drug/alcohol testing your kids now, it's a good idea to start. I've been testing my teen since she was 14. Now, not only am I not in "denial" about my child, she has an excuse NOT to use! If confronted, all she has to say is, "Are you kidding? My parents drug test me, I'm not using that!!!". As far as some of the comments I've seen (especially BAK in Seattle) my child lives in OUR house. No room in our house is off limits to me, my husband, or my child. We have nothing to hide from her, she should not have anything to hide from us. So, that makes it fair for me to go into her room anytime I feel like it, and go through her things, if I so desire. She knows this. I told her that when she moves out, she can have her privacy, but right now I am responsible (legally) for anything she does. So, while she lives with me, I am the parent, I make the rules, she is responsible for following them. I think too often we parents are making our children think we are their friends, instead of their parents. Do I sound like Hitler? No, I sound like a parent who loves their child enough to say, "Not on my watch."
momsheart, mechanicsburg, PA , 11/20/2007 12:18:04 PM Where do you get help for parents with a teen who is 18 and are sure they are an addict? You can't make them go to rehab and can't convince them that they need to. We as parents can see all the signs and are trying to prevent him from hitting rock bottom before he realizes his problem. I don't know if rehab is the best place for him, what are our other options?....please help, we have been struggling with this for 2 years.....
Warren, Okc, OK , 11/20/2007 12:16:40 PM Our son is 34 now. He is addicted to crack cocaine and lives on the streets of Dallas, Texas. His family misses him and still loves him.
He began drinking beer at age 16 then graduated to marijuana at 17 and over the next few years became chronically addicted to crack cocaine.
1) We underestimated the problem and over estimated our ability to deal with it. 2) We waited too long to seek professional counseling. 3) We did not study or educate ourselves on the disease of addiction. 4) We did not seek outside support like a "parent" support group and/or Al-Anon.
Do the four steps we dind't and you will make a difference in your child's life.
trustinginGod, baltimore, MD , 11/5/2007 1:27:02 PM hello, it is soooo...frightening reading these postings because how do you find the balance to check and check or to trust and trust. my son used pot and we did have the police talk to him and have a counselor talk to him but i can't say with absolute certainly that he is not using now, i have decided not to continue to be hyper vigilant going through his room, checking his phone..it was absolutely making me crazy but i am trusting in God and praying every day that he make good choices and i tell that to the kid, that i am counting on him and trusting that he makes the right choice..oh how i wish i could roll back the hands of time too..but courageously we must face tomorrow and trust that what we have poured into to them will come out of them.
apalled, The Woodlands, TX , 11/5/2007 1:26:20 PM With regard to the 5th graders "huffing" comment made above, why on earth do companies manufacture scented markers? You know, the ones with the different scents that your kids use as highlighters.
BAK, Seattle, WA , 11/5/2007 1:26:08 PM Alright now.
Just because they know about sex/drugs when they're 11+ does NOT mean they're going to go out and do it. Parents today shouldn't worry. If they're not exposed to it now, it'll get worse.
Spying on your kids? No, that's wrong. You're just as bad as a stalker if you do that. In fact- you ARE a stalker. It's not cool.
Why not actually talk to your kids? If they make the wrong choice, it's your fault. They WILL make the wrong choice if you restrict them from stuff.
Dana, Toronto , 11/5/2007 1:25:14 PM My soon to be 17 year old daughter has slowly started to come around in every way. The past year and half has been a learning experience for both of us. After having a "normal" first year of high school, she starting slacking off, choosing the wrong friends to be cool, smoking pot and taking "E". I found a lighter in her room once but I didn't confront her about it. Looking back I should have - I was naive in thinking that maybe she was just smoking cigarettes to be cool. Her behavior dramatically changed to becoming very aggressive, abusive verbally &amp; physically - throwing things if she was confronted about something or if things didn't go her way. I new she needed help (me too) so counselling was started and she switched schools to get away from her "bad" friends. And it worked! Because she was in a new environment and she knew now which friends NOT to hang around with she got a new fresh start. I'm proud to say she has been drug free now for over a year. I keep tabs on her with the computer and I am in constant touch with the people at school if there are any attendance/behaviour issues. Because of her past drug use she she now has memory problems, so tell your kids about that!
mom3elp, anderson, SC , 11/5/2007 1:24:24 PM Just recently my husband and I went to the National Association of School Resource Officers Convention where we showed our "Turn On The Lights" Parent Awareness Camapign (which shows in great detail the trends going on with todays children) and they, the officers, said, "Yes, that is exactly what is going on!
The trends are the Choking Game, binge drinking (5 or more drinks in a row), huffing dust-off, Triple C (Corociden Cough and Cold-over the counter meds/prescriptions stolen from mom/dad cabinets), and cutting. Of course, there are others but these are the majors that we have seen.
Parents need to see what they are up against. Know that we are talking elementary and middle school ages.
The first step is to know whats going on......
Turn On The Lights....find out...
Gin, des moines, IA , 11/5/2007 1:23:20 PM All these posts want to make me cry.... I am now having unbelievable trouble with my 15 yr old son.He hates school.gypping all the time...I think he is smoking pot.He has a violent temper... Underneath all this I KNOW there is a great kid..I cant talk to any one (my friends), I am too embarrassed.I would never had thought I would be going through this.
Rainbow, Boston, ME , 10/23/2007 2:44:57 PM I am having major issues with my 17 yr old son, dropped out of school, no job, terrible outburts when confronted about his life, excessive pot use, running away. Have tried EVERYTHING-Counselling,medication,Court system. I always went to druguse awareness programs that were offered at his school, and tried to talk openly about drugs/alcohol as he was growing up. My opinion on what went wrong-he had no passion for a hobby,no matter what we tried. And his friends, AND their parents, were not good choices. The more we fought about them, the more appealing they became. He will be 18 soon, and I guess he will learn life's lessons the hard way. Good luck to everyone.
Britmum in SF, San Francisco, CA , 10/23/2007 2:43:28 PM Unfortunately we have totally alienated our daughter with the "search and seizure"techniques and the stalking by my husband for the last three years since she was 11. He has since moved out and I am left with a very angry, bitter 14 year old who keeps her journal at school because her father read it. She carries a plastic see-through back pack because he went through her school bag to check for other clothes - she once took another sweater to school when she was 8. I don't evem know if she goes into MySpace because she rarely uses the computer at home. She usually does her homework after school at the library. Her phone conversations are short and to the point, she'll meet friends at Starbucks and even call me from there to tell me to come check if I need to. It breaks my heart to see this because I also came from a family where there was no privacy and I know how she feels. He used to knock and go right in her room just to check what she was doing. I don't know how to repair this damage. I don't think she is on drugs. I don't know her friends though. Her father, like mine wouldn't let her have any. I am not going to continue his pattern though.
whoskiddingwhom, cincinnati, OH , 10/23/2007 2:41:40 PM We just cannot allow ourselves to engaged in should have, would have, could have. We are all doing the best job we can. There are way too many temptations out there. Further, to the Parenting Teens with Love and Logic. I believe that as hard as I try there doesn't seem to be much logic left these days. What I have found works best is to NOT be critical, to keep an open dialogue, and to let go with LOVE. I have enjoyed reading all of the comments.
jeezlueez, fort collins, CO , 10/23/2007 2:41:29 PM Victor of NJ, I find the attitude you mention to be horribly common and pervasive here. What I tell these parents is that just because they think it is okay for their children do do that, doesn't mean it is okay for them to choose that for MY child. Luckily, Colorado has firmed up it's laws regarding providing alcohol to minors - it is now a felony. Unfortunately, not all law enforcement agencies pursue parents such as these.
emptynest in CA, and other parents for that matter, if you need to test your child, check with your local police/sheriff department to see where they test then take your child there. When my daughter was a teen and making very poor choices, her keeping her drivers license was dependent on her passing weekly urine drug tests at the local day reporting center/county jail. I could select the test/s I wanted and pay for them and a report would be mailed directly to me.
Unfortunately, I have found that most of society has the attitude that Victor in NJ is battling. My attempts at keeping my children drug/alcohol free are regularly thwarted by teachers, counselors, law enforcement, parents, and other teens.
emptynest, Madera, CA , 10/11/2007 9:51:09 AM I have an adult son in his early 20's. He has been smoking marijuana since he was 13. In high school he maintained his GPA, was active in sports. He attended outpatient treatment for adolescents 5 days/wk after school for 6 mos at 17). I attempted drug testing. He was tricky. He continued to smoke. He loves smoking pot. His maturity level is about that of an 18 yr old. If I could do it over, I would have arrangedd more time together as a family and less time with team sports. All the pot smokers were on the teams. I would have taken my kids hiking and camping, away from video games and TV's. When I insisted my kids spend family time, they would (initially complaining). I should have incorporated lots more family time. My daughter doesn't use drugs and has created a life for herself.
allensos, wilmington, DE , 10/11/2007 9:50:33 AM My daughter started using alcohol and marijuana at the age of 15. She was fighting depression and diagnosed as bi- polar. She used the alcohol and drugs to self medicate because she didn't like the side effects of the prescibed medication. To make a long story short, she died at the age of 21 from a heroin overdose. This drug stole her soul and made her into someone we didn't recognize. Warn your children. Heroin Kills
Victor, Montgomery, NJ , 10/11/2007 9:50:05 AM My wife and I find that our daughters friends parents are at fault.These parents allow the children to break the law and let them drink in thier home.We see this every weekend. When confronted the parents usual reponse is that the kids are going to do it anyway and it's better to let them drink and everyone sleep over. Which leads to our second concern teenage sex while consuming alcohal.Is this promlem limited to this area of the country?
motherof two, Kentwood, MI , 10/11/2007 9:49:33 AM Recently I discovered that the kids in my daughters 5th grade class were huffing permanent markers. She came home and was asking me about why these boys thought it was so cool and could they really see different colors and feel tingly. I was so shocked that these kids in 5th grade were trying these things. I had to have a talk with her and explain peer pressure and all the effects of inhaling, (huffing) chemicals and other substances. I am hosting a parents, teachers and students 4-6th grade meeting on the dangers of inhalants. I think it is so important for parents to be involved and pay attention to what are children are learningand doing in school.
ConcernedAboutIt, shawnee , KS , 10/11/2007 9:49:03 AM In our busy world, the graetest excuse for a teens behavior is, "I just don't have the time". As a divorced father of four boys ages 17, 15, 14, and 10 I have come to realize time is the greatest gift I have to give them. There is a book I would recommend every parent read the name is "Parenting Teens Through Love and Logic". This book has helped me understand my teens of the 21st Century. Everyone one of my boys will make mistakes and rather that "hovering" and "rescuing" them each time they make a poor decision I have to empathize with them but allow them to face the consequences of thier actions. This slight behavior change on my part has helped them understand their responsibility for "thier" lives and has brought us much closer together. TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN not at them. LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN they want to be heard. My boys are going to make mistakes, that is all part of growing up! But by taking the time to listen and talk to them, I see their sense of appreciation in my involvement in thier lives. I just sorry it took a divorce to bring this to light! You cannot protect your child from the bad things in life but you can educate them on the dangers they face! Peace
WideAwake, MD , 10/11/2007 9:48:12 AM A 12 year-old is old enough to know the actual truth. If the truth isn't let out now and one finds out later, your relationship through their eyes is broken. Drugs do kill and those who do survive, the brain damage is so ingrained, the after effects are difficult to describe. We as parents need to stand up for those who can't make a decision on their own because of lack of maturity and basic facts. Perhaps at least 15 minutes a day of one and one with your son could bring him out of his shell (no TV or even video game playing, something to keep his mind on you-Mom). Quality time is much more important in their lives than a fabulous meal, or those fashionable pants. As for parents saying, oh they'll be humiliated if I show up. What worse, being a chaparone or sitting there an your child's funeral. Show these kids their lives are worthy in their parents eyes.
notsupermom, htfrd, CT , 9/28/2007 3:12:46 PM my son is 12 years of age and as of yet i have not seen any using behavior. I do see a lack of caring attitude when it comes to his personal apperance, his posessions, and he spends as much time as I allow and more on video games and the computer. He lost his father at a young age due to this disease after his father relapsed after having 15+ years clean. so he was familiar with the program of na. and although he doesent know the true reason for his fathers early death I spoke to him at length about drugs and the fact that it is a family disease. Im I wrong to think that his obsession with the computer and video games and disregard for his general apperance is the first step to abuse of drugs or is he just being 12 please resond and thank everyone for thier personal stories they have helped...
mamavan, Lunenburg, ME , 9/25/2007 11:44:12 AM I am in the process of setting up a Mothers and Daughters knitting group with the goal of us all becomeing closer and more involved with our daughters. Each month we will all take turns talking/sharing our own personal experience or reading about the topic of the month...bullying, media, friendships, dating...the girls are between 8 and 10 so we are hoping by starting early we wil hve strong bonds developed to carry them through the challenging years! Thanks for all the wonderful sharing, your amazing! Keep up the good work you are all doing,
RoleModel, New York, NY , 9/25/2007 11:43:59 AM Be a role model. We do not drink or smoke in our house, nor do we do that when we out with our teens. If you drink a six pack every night and smoke cigarettes, this is what your child sees. Don't want them to do it...set a good example. Provide positive reinforcement! The new technology is exactly that NEW. Be informed, kids are exposed to too much too soon. We tell our kids that they are being monitored in the house- it isn't hidden.
thereelmoe, Atlanta, GA , 9/25/2007 11:43:51 AM Look, stop saying"when I/we was/were kids".Nothing is as it was.Monitor your children. Show them what's best for them.
Jane, Vienna, VA , 9/25/2007 11:43:42 AM A good book is "Teens in Turmoil" by Carol Maxym and Leslie York. While your own teen may not be in turmoil, friends they associate with can be.
A year and a half ago I suspected our then 15 1/2 year old was headed toward trouble with lowering grades, rough attitude and locked bedroom door, tips I got from the web site. I searched the bedroom and found paraphanalia, it is our house and that is illegal. We spent 4 months, 2 x's a week in Alcohol and Drug Youth Services group counseling. Three months ago the best friend signed a prescription illegally and has been caught by the law, is expelled from school and both have learned to clean up and that "drugs aren't worth it". The consequence of the law being involved was a real wake up. A change of attitude and dealing with friends, communication, priorities, and realities has occured. We're on the lookout for back sliding. I've learned the average parent finds out about drug use after 2 years, we found out after 6 months. Searching the bedroom and finding help early, communicating, loving, confronting and give yourself a life are important. Good kids do stupid things and can associate with others that do dumb things.
medeco, huntsville, TX , 9/20/2007 10:11:59 AM I still feel even with my kids now in their 30's that the key to a reltionship with your child is communication, the willingness, openess, honest, creative, and most all, sincerest, will seek out mucho benefits. In th elong run, it will feel good to both child and parent...
allboys, cincinnati, OH , 9/20/2007 10:11:11 AM How can you be sure the myspace you have the user and password to is the actual myspace your child uses? We had an incident where my child had myspace and private PC time taken away for 3 months, he is no able to be online by i continue to monitor. In the back of my mind I wonder if there is another myspace page that i'm unaware of.
momsincharge, Wheeling, WV , 9/20/2007 10:09:44 AM In response to MommaBear 9/4 @ 12:15PM - that just happened to me too. I am an involved, informed parent who was vigilent during the high school years and caught my son making good choices. In college,he has developed a strong pot habit. it is TOUGH to stay on top of things. I am looking for reference sites that I can access about pointers for parents of kids in college. Some of the teen sites just don't make apply. Any recommendations out there? It's a whole new set of problems. But our job is never done, is it? We can't ground them but we can still communicate our expectations, our philosophies, and catch them doing something right. My son smokes pot, and I hate that - but I don't hate him. I still feel that, if I can slow him down, even a little, I am helping. It's very scary!
Americanlady, Randolph, NJ , 9/20/2007 10:07:01 AM Grandparents can help! I am a young grandparent and I know more about my granddaughter than her mother. Grandchildren often confide in grandparents. When my teen grand daughter got on Myspace I followed her and got on Myspace. It is a great way to keep in touch with her since she lives in another state. I am able to see who she talks to, the pictures she puts up and the blogs she writes about and what she is doing on the weekends! I have been able to advise her on issues of concern. We keep a good communication system open and she has a grandparent in her life that listens to her and she listens to me. SO, grandparents - get involved in a positive way in your grand children's lives and help support their parents!
A concerned mom & teacher, Houston, TX , 9/20/2007 10:05:33 AM Parents need to know that it is never too early to start talking about drugs with your kids. I teach a drug prevention program at an elementary school and see primarily 8, 9 and 10 year olds. They already know a great deal about alcohol, tobacco and drugs, both prescription and illicit. As adults we often tend to tune out commercials, lyrics in songs, the TV and radio, while most kids are very tuned in to these media sources. Kids need to get facts about the dangers of drugs from their parents, and also have the opportunity to practice ways to say no. Telling them not to try drugs is not enough... You need to role play with them and help them find the words to say no.
Laura, Vienna, VA , 9/20/2007 10:02:34 AM I want to add my thoughts about exploring facebook and myspace....do it! I couldn't believe what teens were posting (showing) and saying! I think my own daughter finally understands these are "public" forums and content should be something she knows we, her parents, or even her grandparents might stumble across. Have an open mind....and be ready to discuss what you find calmly (I didn't!)
Baffled, Spokane, WA , 9/4/2007 12:15:12 PM Thanks Braced for the info. I will do it. I find myself doing all the talking but occasionally my kids surprise me. Both my kids have just their beds and dressers in their rooms. They don't have computors, TVs, phone, etc, in their rooms or we would never see them. My son has been begging us for a cell phone sence he was 11-12 years old. We recently bought him one for his 15th B-day with restrictions. I told him if he uses it in class and gets it taken away I won't get it back for him - it's done. I have a neighbor that is a child phycologist and his child has everything as it comes out and wonders why he is having problems with him. His child has a TV, every game system out with games, a computer, I think he even has a DVD player in his room. The kid doesn't have chores and doesn't have a clue.
Overwhelmed, Danville, CA , 9/4/2007 12:14:50 PM I knew we were lost in the netlingo and how our kids talk to each other. We try to screen a lot of what our kids are exposed to and it was much easier when they were younger. They are now 17 and 13 and it was definitely easier with the first. With the second one, it is more difficult as we are constantly trying to balance between the two and yet try to remain fair to both. I worry about what they are exposed to on their own when they go to the mall. I can only hope that we've imparted enough as to why we were doing what we did so that they can judge for themselves when they are on their own and make better decisions.
kokopelli, fresno, CA , 9/4/2007 12:14:09 PM I think it ok to monitor their "myspace" places. You would check in on them if they were having a party in the basement. Its similar but different. You get to see a side of your child that is their own person. You also need to know that you may find something you may not like but need to respect their privacy unless there is some real harm going on.
momof3, La Mirada, CA , 9/4/2007 12:13:49 PM one thing I'm learning from the comments..is that some parents think their kids dont ALREADY know about drugs &amp; sex!(you think they dont..but, they most likely do know..much more than you think!..you need to be sure they know the truth/reality of it! not other kids ideas of it) And..I'm worried about people who dont think they should monitor their kids..especially when there's scary stories on the news even..that is MySpace related~! I think kids have TOO MUCH privacy these days!(very dangerous!) cell phones, internet..We had to stand at that kitchen wall to talk on the phone when we were teens! trying to be quiet..&amp; had mom at home after school!! Today=too much privacy=too many chances for trouble.(sex/drugs/violence)
blindedbythelight, St. Paul, MN , 9/4/2007 12:13:27 PM The issue is not stalking your kid, nor is it sheltering, it's about knowing when the behavior is potential life threathening or altering e.g. dead, pregnant, arrested, injuried. I don't believe in addictions, people make choices, they ar not addicted. Teaching your kids to make choices is the best anyone can do.
momma bear, danbury, CT , 9/4/2007 12:13:05 PM Here is an experience that no parent wants to live through. My daughter was a "good" kid up to age 17 when she went off to college. I believed that she had a strong set of values, and that we had good communication. While at college she met up with some people who she befriended which has changed her life. The result is that she is 24 years old with a drug habit that I could not imagine. She came home after college and I missed the signs of addiction. It was a gradual change. Signs to look for that I missed include road trips and lack of staying in touch; accessing drug friends on my computer in my kitchen; pipe in backpack at age 23and Photos posted on the internet. I finally accessed her myspace page and read all the posting of the friends. I wish that I had not been such a trusting parent and that I had really educated myself about the drug scene. Parents need to smarten up. I wish I had done it earlier.
Father of two, Eugene, OR , 9/4/2007 12:12:31 PM I feel Gwomambo's comments offer a wonderful insight into what it take's to be a parent. davejohnson's comments are sadly too common and a great example of the "hands off" approach where it falls on everyone else to help raise his kids.
Most parent's think that their kids are influenced by their peers vs. their parents when the opposite is true. I think this website is great, but my only concern is that we are talkinga lot about 16-18 yr olds when we wshould be reaching out to our kids at the start of middle school. As to think that your 13 year old knows nothing in middle school, will just be proof that in fact they are afraid to tell you what's going on.
BIGPETE, omaha, NE , 9/4/2007 12:11:54 PM @Gwomambo
im glad you use the game ratings system. alot of parents out there shell out 60 bucks blindly for their screaming kids xbox game without checking the content. these same parents blamed violent video games for the colombine shootings. as a parent and a gamer i let my child play a game after i have read up on it (or played it myself) because i wouldnt want to subject my kid to things like "saints row" without them being mature enough to handle it.
Worried, Little Rock, AR , 7/31/2007 2:07:55 PM I was not aware of all the drug related content in Youtube's Videos! This is one more reason I am glad we do not have any internet in our house.
I think the government needs to take more active participation in the monitoring of the internets. Even though I refuse to let internet into my house, it's still in the public schools and libraries!
My kids are 12 and 13 and I'm not sure how to keep them ignorant of drugs and sex much longer.
Sharon, Norhtfield, MN , 7/31/2007 2:05:50 PM Our son is 17, will be 18 in Nov this year. His friend just got his drivers license and my son thinks he has to be gone ever night. Our town crfew is minight, we told him he had to be home at 10:30 5 nights a wk &amp; 12 2 nights. I just don't understand the running ever night.
Our communication is good but when I talk to him I find myself just basical drilling him with questions(how can I do better?) Thanks Sharon
ohiojod, Baltimore, MD , 7/31/2007 2:00:53 PM I've recently subscribed to this service and have found it very helpful. One of the things I realized before either of my children got to the teen years is that as a parent I needed to give them the tools to make good decisions for themselves. We have always had open discussions regarding situations where they have had to decide on an activity, etc and we discuss the decision they did make versus the other options along with the outcome. I'm proud to say that my daughter has made a couple of excellent decisions when faced with behavior choices with no parent around (keeping fingers crossed:) The communication is a major part of keeping the gap smaller - let's be realistic, there will always be a gap. Keep your ears and mind open and you'll be surprised what you find !
davejohnson, Portland, OR , 7/31/2007 2:07:24 PM I think that its very creepy to monitor your childs myspace, video/videogames and personal lives. Why would you do that... when we were kids would we have wanted that? Its like being a stalker of your own kid. I try and put myself in the positions of my kids and others, and i think i would dislike my parents very much if they did that. The world is a very changed place compared to when we grew up, and if kids are not exposed to anything they may not know about the real world. They'll go out there and be shocked, because of what they were kept from seeing and hearing in their own little bubble world. Think about when your kids realize what you have been keeping them from in weird ways, how they will react. They probably will be angry, but i dont really know. I know that my kids will probably do crazy things and possibly bad things in highschool and beyond, but didn't i? They are learning experiences that you become wiser from, pretty much no child will understand what not to do unless they experience it first hand... unfortunatly. You may believe that kids benefit from a sheltered and filtered life, but in the long run is that really a good thing?
Braced , 7/11/2007 10:03:45 AM I'm pretty familiar with YouTube, IM, and today's lyrics. There's a lot of frightening information at these kid's fingertips! Kids are definitely exposed to abundant information on sex and drugs, but I am also optimistic that they learn at an early age to filter and ignore a lot of the junk they are hit with. Information and communication availability have dramatically impacted the lifestyle of both teenagers and parents and its important to have a feel for what kids are being exposed to. Another suggestion for parents is bounce around on the blog sites like MySpace (www.myspace.com), Facebook or Xanga. This has been one of my best tools to find out more about my kid's friends. It is amazing what kids put out on the Internet for everyone to see. Even more amazing are the conversations I sit through with other parents bragging about how their kids never do x or y, when their child's Internet site holds dozens of pictures of their child in oh-my-oh-my action. Create an account on MySpace. Go to the search page. Enter your child's name or email address or the name of your child's friends and acquaintances, then brace yourself for an eye-opening ride.
Gwomambo , 7/11/2007 9:43:18 AM As far as observing teenagers, I think for the most part teens act in public a lot like what they act at home - although there's a lot more flirting, etc. going on in public. They're evolving into adults after all. However, when there is no adult supervision, I think the chances of risky behavior can multiply significantly. There's got to be a good balance between giving teens the space they need to explore their evolving independent identities AND giving them the parenting and protection they continue to need as kids. There's no magic formula here, just consistent discipline, a whole bunch of communication on do's and don'ts, a lot of positive reinforcement, and most importantly constant and unbridled love and affection.
Gwomambo , 7/10/2007 6:03:22 PM Explicit videos &amp; video games is definitely one of those areas of concern for me, so much so that we don't allow MTV or VH1 in our house. I only recently allowed my daughter to get a gaming system for the same reason and I check the game rating and read the reviews before I will let her get any game. Videos &amp; Games are just not the same beast as when we were kids. My daughter and I have been talking about inappropriate video/gaming content for years and about how the artists and/or even gaming characters can be portrayed positively and negatively. As a matter of routine, music and TV content also gets monitored to make sure that any negative content can be identified, labeled, and discussed so she can know what she's hearing from the get go. I think the approach is working - my daughter is pretty savvy about negative media content and how it can affect self-esteem. It makes me feel a little more confident that when she hits 7th grade, she'll be a little more prepared to handle the different pressures she is going to confront.
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