Helping shy children
From WikiParenting
Shyness is an emotion that everyone has felt at one time or another, but is a label that is frequently applied to children. It is important to understand the emotional process behind shyness and to seek help for children who are having difficulty learning or developing socially because of shyness.
Some have been bullied or teased at school which in turn has destroyed their self-esteem
Some children develop shyness due to emulating, over time, the actions of a shy parent
They may have an undiagnosed learning disability
Some are just simply shy by nature
It is important to identify if there is a reason behind you child's shyness before trying to help with the issue. Some children may require counseling for any pre-existing issues before you can work on the child's shyness.
Always remember that most children will experience normal shyness at some stage of development and it is only when the shyness interferes with social development or restricts a child's level of enjoyment or learning that it becomes a problem. Take note of which situations your child displays feelings of shyness and lack of confidence. This will help give some insight into which areas need the most help to make your child more at ease. Is your child most shy:
The first step in helping to overcome shyness is to build their self esteem. A great way to do this is to discuss with your child what they are good at and then praise and encourage them whenever they participate or achieve something new. Even simple things like:
Cleaning up
Can all be used to your advantage to highlight a child's strengths. Simply saying Wow you have finished that book already, great job. or You are really good at crafts, can you help me out with this scrapbook page? will help. Praising small achievements will over time allow your child to gain greater confidence in other areas.
Slowly exposing a child to unfamiliar people and environments will help to gradually decrease shyness as it works on taking the fear out of trying something new
Arrange play dates on a regular basis
Get your child to help with the shopping. Go to the bakery or deli and give your child the money and item you are buying and get them to 'buy' it or get them to ask a shop assistant where an item is located.
Encourage social skills at home when people come to visit. Prompt your child to ask and answer questions and shake hands and welcome people when they arrive.
Get the child to order their own meal at a restaurant
Encourage your child to ring friends and relatives to personally thank them for gifts they receive
Practice telephone skills with older children by getting the child to ring up the local pizza shop to ask how much a large pizza is or if there is a toy or item you are planning to get them have them ring the store to find out if they are in stock.
As a parent, you are the focus of your child's attention. Children determine how to act in a given situation based upon the parent's attitude to the situation. To help your shy child:
Never label your child as shy and discourage others from doing so as well. Children will often try even subconsciously to live up to labels put on them.
Don't criticize your child for being shy. Taunting or making a joke out of the issue will just make the child more self conscious.
Never push a child into a situation. Gentle and persistent encouragement will work much better than forcing an already scared child into a scary situation.
Tell your child stories about times you have been shy. Discuss the positives and negatives that resulted from being shy in a particular situation.
Encourage your child to talk about possible reasons for their low self confidence and involve them in strategies that may help them gain more self -esteem.
Try to avoid speaking for your child. Always allow the child a generous opportunity to speak up in a situation and only step in if it is vital or causing the child to become panicked.
Acceptance- Sometimes children are just shy no matter what we do to encourage them not to be. As long as it is not greatly impacting the child's life, it is important to simply accept this as part of your child's personality.
It is important to seek help from a doctor or counselor immediately and it is also advisable to contact the child's school to arrange a meeting with teachers to discuss ways you can work together to help your child.
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